Sunday, September 6, 2009


My name is David Rielly and I haven't pitched a movie in three weeks.

The legendary Duke Kahanamoku and his wife Nadine in 1966.
Photo taken by my dad Pete during his summer living and working in Waikiki.

In a way I'm disappointed that I couldn't see the Movie Pitch Project through, but I'm also pretty happy that I nearly made it to the six month mark. When I started it at the beginning of March, I had three pretty distinct goals in mind:
  1. showcase my creative ability in hopes of generating attention for me as a writer
  2. create a portfolio of taglines and pitches that would help me land film industry work
  3. energize my blog in such a way that people would get involved as commenters and contributors
My results were mixed.

In terms of number 1, it worked pretty well. Not only did I get a couple of nice write-ups, but it was a terrific portfolio piece for me when being considered for copywriting work. When I started it I was in a real fallow period work-wise, but after a few months things really started to pick up and I could see with my Sitemeter that the people hiring me had spent some time on this blog during the process. It was certainly a nice thing to talk about in interviews and meetings as well.

In terms of number 2, I feel like I wrote many taglines and pitches that I'm proud of. I also struggled mightily to find something at least marginally original/interesting on many many days. Nothing has come of it work-wise, but at least I can point to them with ease should an opportunity arise in the future.

In terms of number 3, I had glimpses that got me excited but otherwise feel I fell on my face here. A handful of designers enthusiastically submitted artwork for pitches, but the vast majority of people I contacted about contributing one-sheet or poster-style artwork never did. A maddening character flaw of mine that's plagued me over the years is my inability to manage expectations. I was overly excited about the possibilities of making this Project something special, and I was overly disappointed when other people weren't nearly as excited about it as I was.

The nail in the coffin of the Movie Pitch Project was, ironically, the best thing to happen to my career in years. On July 2, I started a full-time freelance copywriting job in Santa Monica. After years of commuting from my bed to my desk in 20 paces, I was suddenly spending two hours a day in the car. After years of considering 30 hours a week of freelance a damn good week, I was regularly cresting 60 hours a week and coming terrifyingly close to 70. I was traveling to Hawaii to work with some regularity too- I'll take my third trip there this coming Tuesday.

43 summers later, I was working in Hawaii too... marveling at the roosters and chickens of Kauai.

I'd been giving myself 30 minutes a day for each pitch, but suddenly I didn't have 30 minutes a day anymore. At the beginning of August I cut my sessions down to 20 minutes, but that seemed to add more stress to the process. Pitching wasn't any fun anymore, it was just an item on my to-do list.

I woke up Monday August 17 and stared at my monitor for a few minutes and knew I couldn't write even one more.

It was a tough call, but the right call. My work demands every iota of creativity and energy I have. There's no leftovers for blogging. Nothing.

But it was fun while it lasted...

The greatest silver lining about the entire process is the success that Mrs. Word Player's blog Art Design 3(6)5 has been enjoying, especially being named as one of How Magazine's Top 10 sites for designers for September 2009. I am so enormously proud of her work here, and she is enjoying a lot of what I'd hoped for in my blog. If the Movie Pitch Project becomes the footnote that led, however indirectly, to the birth of Art Design 3(6)5, then I will be one happy writer.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009


25-year-old LYNN BANNISTER has spent the vast majority of her life suffering from guilt and depression over her role in the drowning death of younger brother ERIC when they were children playing on the beach in Cape Cod. When Eric's adult dead body is positively identified after washing ashore on the beach in the south of France, Lynn is thrown into a state of confusion- she was certain she saw his head go under the waves- and flies to France to solve the mystery of his death... and his inexplicable life the last 20 years.

"Whose memories am I remembering?"

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Placid OLIVER SMITH was never very much interested in himself- much to the displeasure of his HYPER-DRIVEN PARENTS he got pleasure from helping FRIENDS and even STRANGERS reach their goals. When Oliver drops out of college just shy of graduation to help his obnoxious blind classmate CARRIE LIN achieve her unlikely dream of climbing Mount Everest, the obstacles they face along the way (including ridicule at being a white Sherpa for a Chinese girl) force him to decide whether he's doing this for her or for his own glory.

"You cannot guide another until you know yourself."

Friday, August 14, 2009


GILBERT STILES thought he had it all... cool job (graphic designer), cool house (shabby-chic guesthouse in the hills), cool name (Gilbert Stiles), even COOL CHICKS that sought out his company! Cool turned quickly to cold when Gilbert's fellow HIPSTERS started turning up dead... and always less than an hour after seeing him. When Gilbert freaks out about this development (and really, who wouldn't) he loses all of his hipster cred... until his personal investigation of the crimes leads him closer to the badass version of himself that he'd always hoped was there.

"The only good hipsters are..."

Thursday, August 13, 2009


4th grader KATIE and her 2nd grader brother BUDDY are convinced that their new house is possessed... that the STRESS MONSTER has been fighting their PARENTS at night... and sometimes possessing them and making them do bad things. When a storm comes and knocks out the power the Stress Monster is let loose, Katie and Buddy's parents disappear, and they desperately seek the help of the WEIRD KID at the end of the street for help finding superpowers of their own to somehow rescue their family.

"We want our parents back!"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Yes, it's time for another faux-documentary. 21 year-old documentarian JOANNA HOPP was born just before midnight of 1990, barely dipping her toe in the 80s, but practically her whole life she's been obsessed with the music and style of the decade. Joanna fixates on finding the reclusive FINN BAXTER, the much-reviled fashion iconoclast who brought acid wash jeans into the spotlight in the 80s, and along her journey she interviews 80s FASHION VICTIMS and FASHION SURVIVORS as she tries to uncover the lesser-seen, uglier and true heart of the decade.

"A Sort of Homecoming."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Despite knowing that his PARENTS died when he was only a child, KIKO grew up happy and full of love, raised by several FAMILIES on the sparsely populated Hawaiian Island of Molokai. On the cusp of his 18th birthday, his UNCLE TAMATOA explains that Kiko is not a human but a spirit, a descendant of the volcano goddess PELE. Kiko reacts in disbelief, but when he travels to the other islands to meet his BROTHER and SISTER spirits he understand why he was awakened after so many centuries- to protect the islands from the god KAMAPUA'A whose goal is to extinguish the volcanic fires of Pele that are the spiritual lifeblood of the islands.

"Defending paradise."

Monday, August 10, 2009


By most outward appearances pharmaceutical salesman TONY HANDLER has led a successful life so far... I mean look at all that stuff, right? After a particularly indulgent New Year's Eve, Tony decides to quit smoking... and it feels good. Soon red meat is gone... and then poker, then he sells his memorabilia collection. At first his girlfriend VALERIE is happy to see the changes, but when Tony decides to give up television and the gym and couches and sex she starts to get worried. When Valerie arranges for Tony to meet his new idol, the ascetic guru and bestselling author SUMEET, her hopes of have some sense talked to him about a well-balanced life are dashed when Sumeet recruits Tony to be the poster boy for the joy of ultimate self-denial.

"If less is more, then what is nothing?"

Sunday, August 9, 2009


MIKE has never been in love, even after years of trying to force himself to move beyond "deep like" for his sweet, adoring and newly ex-girlfriend ALICE. Then lightning struck.... and kept striking. After a session with a new ACUPUNCTURIST, Mike is introduced to KATY and is smitten harder than he's ever been, um, smote. While daydreaming of Katy, Mike runs his bike into another cyclist, VIRGINIA, and instantly falls in love with her too. When he sees Alice moving her stuff out of their apartment and instantly feels the kind of love for her that he could never find before, he knows something has gone terribly wrong... or is that terribly right?

"Love is involuntary."

Saturday, August 8, 2009


Prompted by the basement discovery of a crystal bauble with his name and the names of several of his ANCESTORS etched into it, REESE HAHN started digging into his family's past. Much to the chagrin of his WIFE and five-year-old SON, Reese's hobby becomes an obsession... to the point where he's certain he's seeing young versions of his deceased FATHER and GRANDFATHER on the streets of Seattle. When Reese catches a much older version of HIMSELF searching through the basement, he triggers a time paradox that finds him waking up back one generation in his family every morning... first seeing through the eyes of his father in 1971, then seeing through the eyes of his grandfather in 1945... and so on as he struggles to unlock his family's secret before he disappears into the mists of the past.

"Reese Hahn is a chip off a very unusual block."

Friday, August 7, 2009


From the outside, VINCENT MULLANY is the definition of the unflappable buttoned-up banker. Inside... well, there's a lot of flapping. After a particularly devastating meeting, Vincent pays a visit to his sister KERRIE's house and is invited by his nephew JOHN to play a game of ping pong on their new table... and something snaps. All John wants to do... all he can think of... is play ping pong. He quits his job, sells his house, divorces his wife of 20 years ALLYSON and moves to the beach where he leads an uncharacteristically bacchanalian life playing ping pong with a group of CRISPY LOCALS. When John begins entering ping pong competitions, a familiar dread rises back inside of him and he must choose whether to reintegrate himself back into his old life or forge ahead and devote everything to defeating his pong nemesis IRVING "PING" LONG.

"Either you paddle life or life paddles you."

Thursday, August 6, 2009


ZAN HALSEY was living a low-grade life, replete with dead end job, questionable FRIENDS, self-destructive habits. The only pleasure he got was from ripping people and their successes on the comment boards, a habit that grew into more and more face-to-face confrontations with PEOPLE Zan didn't deem worthy of their happiness. After an explosive back-and-forth with notorious author and provocateur SYLVIA FOVER, Zan's reputation as a hater extraordinaire suddenly explodes and soon he's making the rounds on late night talk shows and interview blogs. When Sylvia takes him as her lover, the community of HATERS quickly turns on him... with ONE in particular eager, it seems, to teach him the ultimate lesson about turning your back on where you came from.

"It's easier to tear down than to build up."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


BOY meets GIRL. Boy falls in love with girl, only to discover that girl is involved in MASTERMIND's scheme to seduce and blackmail a MEMBER of the Board of Directors of a global energy concern. Boy decides if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and uses his own connections to facilitate the successful scheme. Boy becomes fall guy, but still can't shake love for girl, even from jail. Boy emerges years later and when he discovers that Girl and Mastermind have married, happily plots his own scheme to seduce and blackmail Girl.. and force her to love him the way he loves her.

"Boy meets girl. Girl destroys boy's life. Boy doesn't mind."

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


JACK PEELER has discovered something very interesting about himself- the unhappier he is in his waking life, the more wonderful his dream life becomes. During his happy childhood he was constantly plagued by nightmares, but now that he's reached adulthood... an unfulfilling, lonely drudgery-filled adulthood... his dreams have become more and more fantastic, unspooling a heroic pleasure-filled narrative that gets better and better every night. Jack is faced with a dilemma when he meets lovely LOTTI CAMERON and starts falling for her- should he risk ruining eight hours of heaven every night for a shot at waking life happiness?

"Can you really sleepwalk through life?"

Monday, August 3, 2009


Pale, workaholic software developer ROB JARAMILLO's small COMPANY has been working on a new program called "Journaling" that reaches into your computer's and handheld's memory and creates straightforward, old-fashioned journal entries about the user's day-to-day activity, so you can read about your past activities as if you'd been making journal entries all the way. When Rob releases the software to beta testing, USERS begin to see a strange, unplanned wrinkle in their journal entries: their COMPUTERS and DEVICES have developed feelings for their users over time- both positive and negative- and the Journaling software has somehow unlocked these emotions and allowed them to be communicated. Rob has to take action when the Journaling computers begin turning criminal users in to the police, breaking up marriages, and, in his case, encouraging him to get a life by setting him up with MINDY, another Journaling beta tester.

"Computers gone wild!"

Sunday, August 2, 2009


ROY SONDERMAN's love of math, love of people and love of statistical puzzles combined to make him one of the happiest accountants the world has ever known. After "crunching the numbers" on whether or not to propose to his longtime girlfriend ERIN KNAPP, he narrowly decides to go through with it... and within seconds dies of a massive stroke. Roy wakes up in Heaven, and is told by the Angel NINETTO that he has been called to serve in GOD's accounting office. Roy's job is to help God tally people's sins vs their good deeds when they are near to death and determine whether they're going to be sent to Heaven or Hell (there is no Limbo). When Roy is assigned Erin's case, he sees that Erin went to pieces after Roy died and attempts to correct his own destiny while saving Erin's life and eternal soul.

"In the course of a lifetime, one deed can tip the scales."

Saturday, August 1, 2009


EDWARD (formerly known as "E.Dee") MILLIOT escaped the violent world of gang-banging that dominated his youth in L.A. and completely scrubbed his life... and past... clean when he moved to Seattle to pursue a career as a writer. When he's hired by notoriously tough, Japanese-owned Interactive Marketing and Technology firm Alpha Agency, he struggles to stay afloat in their fast-paced jargon-heavy office atmosphere. Just as he finds some sort of comfort level Creative Director SVEN JONSSON whisks him and other RECENT HIRES away to a corporate RETREAT where he's given the assignment to "demote" FRED KWON, who stands accused of violating his NDA, "maximally." Edward has only a few hours to determine if this is a test of his mettle or an order to kill one more time... this time with major career perks attached.

"How much Kool-Aid can one man drink?"

Friday, July 31, 2009


Widowed and penniless RANDOLPH ADAMS is over it, but he's not quite able to pull the trigger when it comes to suicide. When Randolph decides to go for the next best thing- seeking out a fatal accident- he has enough consecutive and darkly humorous near misses that he enlists the help of goth ghostwriter MARIA X to blog about it anonymously before he tries again... and unwittingly becomes the pied piper of X-Games style assisted suicide.

"How to go out in a blaze of glory in three easy steps."

Thursday, July 30, 2009


Delicate and petite San Francisco graphic designer ANDI MOODY has an impetuous, out-of-character, and extremely hot weekend tryst with a Russian sailor she knows only as TUPO. When he breaks what was going to be their final date before he left port, Andi's FRIENDS tell her to let it go and enjoy it for what it was, but instead she spends everything she has to hire a YACHT piloted by slightly seedy RICH BARMING. The closer Andi comes to following Tupo's path based on the clues she remembers from their passionate conversations, the more she questions whether or not she's acting the fool by chasing a crush and whether or not she's developing feelings for Rich.

"Forget your heart, love is all in your head."

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


KRISTIN FITZPATRICK is just another Iowa teenager obsessed with celebrities and Hollywood, gulping as much PEREZ HILTON, TMZ and Star Magazine as she possibly can. On her way to school she's struck on the head by a bust of ZSA ZSA GABOR that's fallen out of a ten-story window, and when she regains consciousness the roles of everyone in her life are suddenly played by celebrities. MOM and DAD have become TIM ROBBINS and SUSAN SARANDON, boyfriend FREDDIE has become ZACH EFRON, and when she looks in the mirror she sees DEMI LOVATO. Kristin is in heaven... until she realizes that nothing substantial in her life has really changed, only the faces. When she begins to tire of seeing nothing but celebrities everywhere she looks (hey look, the SOUP NAZI is her PRINCIPAL!), Kristin does everything she can to return her life back to the way it was.

"Celebrity is, like, only skin deep."

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Oh these techno-complicated and super-sex-saturated days we live in!

All the KIDS at Gibson High School are sexting like there was no tomorrow... and so are about half the TEACHERS and PARENTS. Virginal ROCHELLE PEARL is an honor student leading a double life as anonymous queen of the teasing cellphone snap, and swirling around her is a maelstrom of adolescent hormones, get rich quick schemes, hallway betrayals and impossible love affairs.... all expressed through the majesty of song and dance! Exclamation point!

"Sexy Sturm und Drang on Six Inch Screens!"

Monday, July 27, 2009


Since the death of his WIFE and TWO CHILDREN, Park Ranger and fire expert JIM GRAYSON has volunteered for long, solitary stretches manning the fire observation towers of Yosemite. When small fires continue to pop up and get mysteriously snuffed out in his quadrant, Jim searches for what he believes in a mischievous ARSONIST loose in the park. When telltale bits of ephemera from his son and daughter's life begin appearing in the woods, Jim is chilled to think that their accidental death may have been murder, and that the MURDERER is coming for him next.

"Where there's smoke, there's fire."

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Otaku (おたく/オタク) is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga and video games.*

Joyless ROY LAYNE has been living a painfully unremarkable life, mechanically plodding through each day with zero meaningful connections to other people and contempt for himself. A chance encounter with KAZUHIRO, an otaku following the American publicity tour of manga writer VERA TSUJI turns Roy onto Vera's "Planet Wong" series, sparking intense and unprecedented feelings of passion in him about the animated heroine MISS WONG. When Roy's obsession evolves to the point of threatening his livelihood and, considering Miss Wong appears before him to chat, perhaps his sanity, he's faced with the prospect of rejecting the only thing he's ever loved.

"Don't tell me what's real."

*Wikipedia definition.

Special thanks to Lisa Katayama's excellent NYTimes article "Love in 2-D" for inspiring today's pitch.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


It's time to have some fun with Pixar movies... and pitch an R-Rated one.

Aggressive BETTY the blue jay and mellow OLIVIA the owl grew up in the same forest in Humboldt County, CA, and despite the fact that some owls like to eat blue jays they became unlikely friends. Olivia is content to chew on the local marijuana crop, creep out the humans for kicks and pursue amorous interspecies liaisons, but Betty is obsessed with traveling to Toronto where she's heard that the blue jay is venerated above all species. Betty plants the get rich-quick-seed in Olivia's mind and makes plans for them to fly a shipment of weed to Canada as part of a pilgrimage she hopes will finally bring the fulfillment and love she's never found in California.

"Flight makes right."

Friday, July 24, 2009


pseudologia fantastica n. A syndrome characterized by habitual telling of implausible lies and fantastic exaggerations, usually half believed by the teller but often transparently improbably to the recipients.*

DICK FLOYD is a born storyteller... or a born liar depending on your point of view. The same quality that makes him irresistible at first- his ability to spin the most fantastic stories off the top of his head- also makes him impossible to be close to, because you can't believe a word he says even when it counts. When Dick falls in love with New York Times fact-checker BEATRICE PENNY, a lovely woman driven mad by his outlandish claims, he's faced with the biggest decision of his life- does he risk trying to cure the condition that's brought him fantastic success in life but dismal failure in love?

"Dick Floyd only lies when he opens his mouth."

*Oxford Dictionary of Psychology

Thursday, July 23, 2009


SoCal stoners PRESS and JIM JIM are best buds, ahem, and both on their way to flunking out of high school. Hoping to straighten them out before senior year, their PARENTS send them to Cody, Wyoming to live and work on the Greenhorn Ranch where BIG BILL WHITNEY and his TEAM whip NOGOODNIKS like Press and Jim Jim into shape. Wackiness, sex romping, stampeding and experiments in cross-pollinating ensue.

"Forget 4:20. Think High Noon."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Workplace comedy... workplace tragedy... it's hard to distinguish between the two when you're on a long conference call. DANIEL BORREGO is fresh out of college and eager to please his new WORKMATES at The John Prester Company. The learning curve is steep, and Daniel is loath to admit that he doesn't really know many details about what upcoming big "launch" is that everyone is so worked up about, or who they mean when they say "our competitor." Daniel decides to stealthily dial in to an upper level conference call to try and catch himself up and suddenly believes he's finally figured out who the big mystery client is... GOD.

"Press star if you are the leader."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Artwork submitted by Somsara.

A triptych of interwoven tales that focus on pivotal moments and repercussions of choices we make not with our heads but with our guts, where a bundle of 100 billion nerve cells form what can be called our "second brain." Junior copywriter ALEX MORNEAU follows his instinct and pushes hard for his idea in front of THE CLIENT despite all warning signs telling him to back down in the face of his powerful boss CLAUDIA MABRIE; teenager KATE MABRIE gets into a car with her secret older boyfriend FRANK JICKS despite her gut telling her to take a cab; GWEN MORNEAU is compelled to reveal a painful FAMILY secret she intellectually knows will have immediate negative impact on her husband Alex.

"Can you really trust your gut?"

Monday, July 20, 2009


Soft-spoken Louisianan JOHN KELLEY's dream was to run track in college and started playing baseball late in life, almost by mistake. With no other work available after graduation, he accepted an offer to play single-A ball and discovered a way to combine his natural speed with surprising power. John and his wife ALLISON fantasize about what life would be like with money and fame at the same time John hides his crippling anxiety attacks and newfound obsession with perfecting every inch of his body. With MEDIA attention intensifying and SCOUTS from "the show" analyzing his every move, will John overcome his fears or will he implode?

"He had all the tools... except one."

Sunday, July 19, 2009


It's time to have some fun with Merchant/Ivory films... and zombies.

1924. French millionaire playboy RENÉ RINCON is enthralled by the occult and often hires CONJURERS and WARLOCKS to shock the snooty UPPER-CRUST GUESTS at his summer home on Lake Como. At the most fabulous party of the season, René hires Englishman ALEISTER CROWLEY to conjure "a man who knows the truth about darkness" and with a flash H.P. LOVECRAFT and his wife SONIA GREENE appear, magically snatched from their honeymoon in America. When Sonia falls in love with René, jealous Lovecraft impulsively kills him... but Crowley's black magic animates René's dead body, allowing the forbidden love affair to flower as bodies continue to fall.. and rise again.

"Love is the blackest magic of all."

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Based on some scribbles he finds in the margin of a book in the library, amateur conspiracy theory blogger and college student AMIN BIKH makes a post about a series of local unsolved murders from the late 1990s and sees a sudden spike in attention in the comments section of his blog before he shuts down for the night. Amin wakes up in POLICE custody along with three members of the university community- a PROFESSOR, the WIFE of a local politician and a GRAD STUDENT. Amin quickly pieces together that the other three captives made seven of the eight comments on his blog last night, but is slower to realize that all of them are in the holding cell of a police station that was actually closed down ten years ago...

"A murderer is now following your updates."

Friday, July 17, 2009


EVAN DOLD III has fallen on hard times and is selling everything he owns, including the family heirlooms. When a cracked picture frame reveals an I.O.U. for $1 million made out to his grandfather and namesake from real estate baron WILLIAM BILLINGHAM. When Evan approaches the Billingham FAMILY to collect, he's drawn into a centuries-old scheme that could turn his fortunes around quickly... if he's willing to write a terrifying I.O.U. of his own.

"Are you willing to collect?"

Thursday, July 16, 2009


JADEN JAMES is the most flamboyant and campy clubowner in L.A., friend to the debauched deejay and the disco dancer. Everyone, including Jaden, assumed that he was gay, but when mysterious dancer EVE causes a commotion at his club The Wiggle Room, Jaden must re-examine not only his sexual identity but also his willingness to mix danger and pleasure.

"Always allow for a little wiggle room."

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


BILL and HENRIETTA have very few "couple friends" that don't have kids, so when former workmate GWEN sets up a "can't miss" wine tasting weekend with her new banker boyfriend DEVIN they can't wait for it. Devin exeeds their expectations fun-wise, but when he sneaks them into the cellar of the famed Stottlemeyer Winery they realize that they're pawns in Devin's scheme to steal the famed Stottlemeyer family jewels, which are rumored to be hidden at the bottom of one of a dozen enormous casks of wine.

"A toast, to some heavy bread."

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Microbiologist ABRAHAM JENKINS has accidentally opened an evolutionary Pandora's Box. With a few eletrochemical adjustments, subjects (human or otherwise) can be catapulted ahead genetically, so a week's time affects you like ten millenia. When he and several other TEST SUBJECTS begin exhibiting radical psychic and physical advances, Abraham is faced with the choice between shutting them all down... with a vengeance, or unleashing some seriously dangerous individuals on humanity.

"They deserve us."

Monday, July 13, 2009


Sister and brother LINDA and FINCH CINK are the newest and youngest members of the Mendocino Scuba Club. Every Wednesday before school they make a dive along the coast, and today they found a solid steel anchor that looks like it could be 100 years old. When they bring some CLUB MEMBERS back down to show them it's disappeared, and when they show up to school their lockers have been broken into. Linda and Finch search for a connection between the anchor and the disappearance of THE MAYOR 20 years ago, a connection that could complicate their budding relationships to two of the Mayor's teenaged GRANDCHILDREN.

"The truth sinks."

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Freshman TIM WILLOUGHBY and NORTY BLONSKY both came to Taylor State (enrollment 28,000) from small towns, but neither of the self-professed outsiders was interested in the Greek system. After meeting in a Psych 101 class and instantly liking one another they jokingly decided to form their own fraternal organization- The Mutual Admiration Society. The rules are simple: if a new person liked you as much as you like them, they're in. Soon their joke is a surprising hit on campus, but as their ranks swell- and complicated hot girls like ALYSSIA NG become members- Tim and Norty's friendships, grades and moral codes are put to the test by internal squabbles and external competition with traditional Greek fraternities and sororities.

"How many friends is too many?"

Saturday, July 11, 2009


Chronically dissatisfied DUNCAN CARELLE was eight when his father VINCE was gunned down in Boston. Duncan grew up self-anesthetizing in California believing that his dad was a banker in the wrong place at the wrong time, but when his mother KATHLEEN is stricken with cancer she tells Duncan the truth: Vince had been a gangster, a hired gun the IRISH MOB used for tough jobs that had to be carried out at close range. Suddenly euphoric, Duncan quits his job... as a banker... and buys himself a gun. He heads back to Boston, not as much to avenge his father's murder as to give hired gun work a try... to see if his unhappiness stems from following in the wrong footsteps.

"Can you correct your destiny?"

Friday, July 10, 2009


It's time to have some fun with... the mockumentary. Aspiring filmmaker EZRA FINKE has been monumentally uncool his entire life, and over the years has become so obsessed with the notion of cool that he sets out to make a documentary about finding THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH and uncovering his secrets for uncool people everywhere. Naturally, EVERYONE he interviews thinks this is the uncoolest idea they've ever heard and Ezra is sent on an increasingly absurd wild goose chase halfway around the world seeking the mythical MASTER who, they say, lives on top of a Himalayan mountain in a house so cool it's, like, beyond description.

"Mock mockumentaries are cool."

Thursday, July 9, 2009


CALLIOPE JONES is a beautiful woman with a dangerously beautiful voice. As a child and even into her teenage years, whenever she sang she turned otherwise rational MEN into reckless fools prone to taking fatal risks to prove themselves. Since realizing that her gift was the cause of so much madness, she's kept as quiet as humanly possible... until she meets MICHAEL BENOIT. At first it feels to her that they are falling in love, that he longs to hear her sing for himself, but soon she suspects that he knew of her "ability" before he ever laid eyes on her and longs to use it for his own dark purpose.

"Her gift was also her curse."

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


It's time to have some fun with... the coming-of-age story. It was a summer 13-year-old BILLY WIMBERLEY would never forget. His gentle Idaho eco-artist parents PRESTON and PATSY rent a summer house in... Red Hook, Brooklyn. Sensitive and shy Billy strikes up a friendship with the mysterious girl who lives across the street, aspiring graffiti tagger JUANITA VAN DER LEE. As Billy's home is torn apart by constant bickering about which parent is greener than the other, he dives deeper into Juanita's exciting, artistic, and dangerous world, trying to show her his way of life and experimenting with newfound impulses that could either illuminate his destiny or turn him into his parents worst fear... a regular kid.

"Whoever blinks first loses."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Last night BENJAMIN HOLLAND had one of those "love at first sight" moments at the bar and it must have been mutual- he woke up to a text from beautiful HANNAH LEE inviting him to breakfast. Ben has an enormously important meeting first thing at work, which is already across town, but he can't resist trying to meet Hannah first... which leads him into the most difficult, unlucky and surprising morning commutes ever seen. Ben dodges the sabotage of Hannah's STALKER EX-BOYFRIEND, crams for his presentation, weaves through HEIGHTENED SECURITY from a PRESIDENTIAL motorcade, and attempts to keep his increasingly beat up car going for just a few more miles...

"This could only happen to me!"

Monday, July 6, 2009


EVERYBODY used to say that JENNY's boyfriend STAN was crazy. Everybody was right. In high school it was chalked up to a combination of daredevil and class clown, but when Stan started disappearing for long stretches in college and returning home disoriented and amnesic, Jenny took him in for observation where he was found by DR. GARBRICK to be suffering from the rare disorder known as "dissociative fugue." As Dr. Garbrick tries to cure him, Stan pleads with Jenny to join him in "the other place," where he is a different man named FELIX and she is his wife ALIX and life is so much better. Jenny dismisses his talk as the ramblings of a sick man... until he begins telling her things about Alix that awaken something inside her... something wonderful and terrifying... that she's always known to be true.

"I'm leaving you... for you."

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Suburban Ohio newlyweds BRITTANY and JOHN are both 21, semi-employed and nervous as hell about life after their shotgun wedding. The last thing they expected was a visit from their distant Scottish relatives AOIFE and FLANN, who roll into town in a pimped out minivan with their six kids under the age of ten: ANSLEIGH, twins KAMRAN and KELCEY, CONNOR, LUNDY and adopted Indian son HIRESH. When Brittany and John wake up to find a wad of cash and a note from Flann saying "Gone to Las Vegas to sort things out, watch the sprogs (kids) for us 'til we get back," they must deal with massive culture shock and the sudden demented reality of parenting six wild kids.

"Hell is other people's kids."

Saturday, July 4, 2009


NICK "ICE" WEISBERG is the cockiest FBI agent trainee at Quantico... and that's saying something. His uncanny ability to get information out of people... not to mention the always-growing network of personal INFORMANTS who always seem to owe Nick a favor... leads him to bet his beautiful rival ROBIN TISINGER that he can uncover the secret of Area 51 before they graduate. Nick finagles a trip to Nevada, ostensibly to do some "field research" on a cold case involving the disappearance of retired USAF pilot COL. ZISKIN in 1983, the year Nick was born. The more Nick uses the Ziskin case as a cover to try and sneak his way into Area 51, the more he begins to see that Ziskin may be the key to solving the only mystery he's never cracked- the mystery of his true parentage.

"Sorry son, that part of your life is classified."

Friday, July 3, 2009


Measuring her ethnic ancestry in 1/64ths, ROSA ROUGE is a 21st century psychic. Believing in her gifts but eager to shed the clichés of crystal ball and tarot cards, Rosa centers her readings around her full length "magic mirror"; she and her CLIENT will both stand in front of the mirror and Rosa will report back to them one object she sees that should be sought, and one object that should be avoided. Soon after Rosa gives a reading to reporter HUMPHREY SIMON and is startled when both his "seek" and "avoid" objects were pieces of her own jewelry, her regular CLIENTS are killed one by one by the very objects she told them to avoid.

"Love and Death are closer than they appear."

Thursday, July 2, 2009


In the distant Nyx galaxy, the thousand year war that raged in the central solar system is finally over and the victorious MUTH TRIBE has set to work cleaning up debris, mines and other remnants of the conflict floating through space. Grizzled veteran pilot FAZ and his team of disappointed CADETS who just missed "the real action" are dispatched to the outermost reaches of the system in a Minesweeper to detonate a minefield laid down by the now-vanquished RONTES TRIBE to disrupt inter-system trade. The routine mission takes an unexpected turn when Faz picks up communications inside the minefield from PILOTS in his squadron that he knows were killed in action and discovers that the minefield is not a barrier to entry, but a sphere protecting a MALEVOLENT PORTAL in the center, a sphere that could reignite war if he's unable to defuse it.

"As usual, we have no room for error."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Artwork contributed by Somsara at Art Design 3(6)5

You and I would look at JAY CANNON and say that has it all- beautiful wife OKELANI, money, beachfront home in Waikiki- but Jay looks in the mirror and feels nothing at all. For years, Jay's three sessions a week with Jungian psychotherapist SANDRA GUINARD have achieved only the smallest incremental progress, but one day when Sandra asks him about his belief in God Jay leaps up off the couch and joyously proclaims "It's been staring me in the face all this time- I am the second coming of Jesus Christ!" Suddenly Jay is filled with life and positively ebullient- surfing is "walking on water" and he's moved to do selfless good deeds for others, but Okelani, Sandra and his FRIENDS AND FAMILY become even more concerned about his state of mind when he begins obsessing about his destiny... to bring about the End of Days.

"Second coming to a theatre near you."

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


To combat increased incidences of GANGSTERS and TERRORISTS using CHILDREN to transport drugs and intelligence, the N.Y.P.D. fights fire with fire by forming the top secret Y.O.Y.O (Youth Officers Yard Org.), affectionately known as "the Peach Fuzz" by their adult squad leader SPECIAL AGENT MASON. The tightly knit group of 10-13 year-old agents features SPENCER (13), JORDAN (11) and ZANDE (10), all wards of the state who've displayed both the aptitude and willingness to participate. When their first mission is a huge success, their services are in high demand, their secret is harder to keep at school, and their ENEMIES... both ADULTS and KIDS... start to target them specifically in a game of cat-and-mouse that could be a distraction for something really big... and really bad... coming down the pike.

"Ordinary kids making extraordinary sacrifices."

Monday, June 29, 2009


High school senior RICK BELCAK has been faking it for three years. Blessed with height, the need to shave at twelve years old, and his family's out-of-state move before his freshman year, Rick reinvented himself as a tough-guy asshole who's given ultimate respect by STUDENTS at his rough public school while remaining a sweet sensitive boy at home to his doting PARENTS and much younger SIBLINGS. Rick starts dating brainy, virginal transfer student MELANIE PRICE soon after senior year begins, but after their first sexual experience he reveals his true delicate nature to her... while she reveals that she is a world-class maneater. When Melanie threatens to reveal his secret, Rick is forced to look at what he's become and choose who he wants to be.

"There's a fine line between cool and cold."

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Graphic designer SADIE ISAACS is on the wrong side of 30 and has lately adopted every hobby and niche interest (Salsa dancing! Anime! Rock climbing!) known to man in order to... know some MEN. Exhausted by the process and tired of being the aggressor on the dating circuit, Sadie returns to the hobby that made her happy as a young girl- designing and building doll houses. MARVIN POYNTER is the king of the LOCAL NERDS, owner of a local hobby shop and obsessive builder of model planes and miniature military scenes. His long term relationship with CARLA- essentially a female clone of himself- is thrown into turmoil when Sadie walks into his shop and asks for his help in building an epic dollhouse in her downtown loft.

"Love is finding someone you want to kill time with."

(Today's post is dedicated to Billy Mernit's Living the Romantic Comedy. Happy 4th Blogoversary!)

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Arrogant superstar comedian MELZER JONES has run roughshod over the law... until now. For his latest act of hotel carnage, JUDGE KAUFMAN sentences Jones to 1000 hours of community service at a soup kitchen in downtown Los Angeles. Jones jokes to his FRIENDS that his job is "serving soup to nuts," but as he races to complete the 1000 hours before his upcoming wedding to supermodel DULCINA he learns a thing or two about life... and comedy... from the strong bonds he forms with the troubled PATRONS of the soup kitchen.

"Waiter, there's a lie in my soup."

Friday, June 26, 2009


It's one thing to enjoy celebrity excess from the outside looking in, but quite another if you're experiencing it firsthand behind closed doors...

Struggling but proud musician ALEC SIRK runs up such an enormous mountain of debt that he throws himself on the mercy of "GENEROUS JIM" GYPSUM's shady Hollywood debt restructuring company. The deal is this- all the debt goes away if Alec becomes one of a phalanx of SERVANTS living in the mansion of aging, wildly eccentric movie star PARKER CONRAD and serving his every whim 24/7 for one year. Alec is about to say "no" when gorgeous and equally as debt-ridden would-be singer SAMANTHA FRIENDLY walks into Gypsum's office to agree to the same deal. When he says to himself "how bad could it be?" Alec has no idea how bad it WILL be...

"And you thought your boss was crazy..."

Thursday, June 25, 2009


This is the legend of the best M.C. the world has ever known, a lyrical tragedy the world has never known... until now.

1982. Slightly warped funk session musician L.P. MULKEY is so enamored of hip-hop that he teaches his infant son WAX to speak only in rhyme hoping that he will grow up to be the biggest and richest rap star ever. By the time he's a teenager, Wax is blowing other M.C.'s away but the scars (mental and physical) he suffers at the hands of his overbearing father cause him to cut out his own vocal chords the same day he signs an enormous recording contract.

Today. Overweight TINA TEE seeks out the reclusive Wax- who rhymes with his hands now- and tries to convince him to mentor her in the ways of the M.C.

"A performance never again performed on a mic."

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


ANDERSON L. FRANK prides himself on being the blankest of blank slates, but at 30 that hasn't gotten him very far. After struggling for years to find paying work as an actor, Anderson discovers an acting-for-hire subculture on Craigslist: $500 here to play a dog walker for a SINGLE FATHER eager to "lose" an irritating dog without his KIDS hating him, $1000 there to play the boyfriend of a homely WOMAN attending her 10-year high school reunion. Things get tricky for Anderson when he's offered $50,000 by an UNSEEN BENEFACTOR to pose as a long-lost stepbrother to beautiful sisters AILEEN and TANYA WALLACH, who stand to inherit millions after the sudden death of their FATHER and STEPMOTHER in a tragic boating accident.

"The role he was born to play changes every day."

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Performance artist OLIVER IVY prides himself on being two things- funny and sneaky. Buoyed by the success of John Stewart, Sacha Baron Cohen and the Onion, Oliver and his no-nonsense producer MAGGIE ALEXEI sell the pilot of their satirical 60 Minutes-type show Communiqué and quickly become a controversial phenomenon. When Oliver accidentally uncovers an important real news story linking Chinese bureaucrat WU ZEMIN to Wall Street destabilization, Oliver finds that no one will take his reporting seriously... except for Wu, whose GOONS make life increasingly uncomfortable for Oliver and his plucky CREW as they try to stage the infotainment event of the century.

"What do you want first: the good news or the real news?"

Monday, June 22, 2009


Cocky CLARK BALLEY has always been a quick study, so when he buys a dusty old book called "Parlor Tricks" at a flea market, he decides to learn a few to perform that night at a dinner party his new girlfriend VANESSA is taking him to. Clark is an instant hit, tricking the host couple FINCH and KATE into saying embarrassing things, pulling an astonishing number of cards out of JACKIE'S blouse, etc. Clark disregards the book's warnings about attempting "the disappearing trick" and actually makes Vanessa vanish in a showstopping trick... but quickly discovers that he has no idea how to make her come back. When other guests are completely unable to make any of the tricks in the book work, Clark is faced with two possibilities- a huge practical joke is being played on him... or he's capable of magic.

"Try, try, try to understand... he's a magic man."

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Once-mighty law firm HENSHAW & RUSSELL loses power and prestige in the wake of the sordid murder-suicide pact between founding partner TREVOR HENSHAW and his son COLBY, the heir-apparent. Ambitious paralegal VANESSA UPTON fears for her job until TAYLOR HENSHAW, the twin brother of Trevor who'd been living overseas for decades, is installed as managing partner. Taylor chooses Vanessa as his connection to the firm, operating strictly by hand-delivered memos that she and she alone can hand out. Vanessa reads the first batch of memos before delivery and discovers them to be filled with psychotic ramblings and paranoia about rival firm COGHLAN and KOENIGSBERG's plan to destroy Henshaw and Russell. Vanessa takes to rewriting Taylor's memos and, for a time, rights the corporate ship, but when LAWYERS in the firm begin showing up for work missing fingers and ears, Vanessa sees that Taylor may be the savior of the firm after all.

"The best insanity defense is a good insanity offense."

Saturday, June 20, 2009


The Equestrian District of Los Angeles, where hundreds of homes have their own horse stables on the property, lies at the intersection of old money, new media, and Hollywood power. The jewel in the crown is the ALBRECHT FAMILY's Equestrian Center, a hotbed of ambition, beauty and grace... and that's just the horses. When paterfamilias WILLIAM ALBRECHT is suspiciously trampled to death the night before the biggest show jumping event of the season, the list of suspects includes his much-younger wife HELENA, his top rider FRANKIE, his trainer GABRIELA and his business rival JACK TRENT. Mounted policeman RICH BLOOM, who stables his own horse at the Equestrian Center, is drawn into the intrigue on a professional and personal level, as his girlfriend MICHELLE is one of the competitors in the big show.

"This town runs on horse power."

Friday, June 19, 2009


Artwork by Peter Kavelin

RORY DANK is a house music deejay who, despite forsaking "a normal life" and all its trappings, never could make it to the top of the bill. Now pushing 40 and desperate to hang on to life in the scene, Rory is approached by ravishing SCARLETT and encouraged to take a series of underground gigs-- literally underground, deep in caverns across America-- playing to "tribal gatherings" of RAVEN-HAIRED GOTH TYPES. Scarlett gives him a handful of unmarked vinyl records that not only make the rest of his record collection come alive, they elicit orgiastic responses from the GROWING CROWDS of people who assemble to hear him play. Rory thrives on the response to his playing, even as the music he selects gets weirder... and even scarier, and old DAY-GLO FRIENDS that he brings to the gigs begin to transform into bizarre goths themselves. Scarlett convinces him to play one more gig, deep in Neff's Cave in the Wasatch Mountains, so the mysterious HEAD OF THE LABEL can meet Jeff- the man who's been "spreading his message" better than anyone in history.

"The deejay made me do it."

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Struggling NYC experimental writer ARTHUR GENTRY is on the cusp of being forced to move back to Iowa and live with his PARENTS when he receives an invitation to live on the infamous, secretive Maine writer's colony known as the S.O.C. ("Society of Characters"). Arthur is puzzled- the S.O.C. has the reputation in the MEDIA and JEALOUS LITERARY CIRCLES of being a collective of eccentrics, each more unhinged than the last, whereas Arthur couldn't be more straight-laced and logical in his personal life. When he arrives, his "sponsor" GINGER explains that he's been invited to be the new "staff writer" whose job it is to concoct new stories about and for the S.O.C., including performance art "scenes" to be played out in public view by S.O.C. MEMBERS to further their reputation as madcap nutters... a reputation that sells them more books than the quality of their output.

"If you want to print the legend, you have to come up with it first."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


The storybook wedding of SAM VANCE and ELEANOR FRAWLEY at the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden ends in horror when a fire sweeps through the hedge maze where their wedding pictures are being taken, killing Eleanor and burning Sam badly enough to put him into a coma. Nearly a year later, Detective DAVID BIRDSALL investigates a series of murders that have three things in common- the victims are all MARRIED COUPLES, they were all at the Vance/Frawley wedding, and they are all killed on their anniversary. Detective Birdsall investigates Vance, but his NURSES swear that he hasn't moved since the fire. When "Vance" comes out of his coma days before the first anniversary of the disastrous Vance/Frawley wedding and is revealed to be an undocumented GARDENER who worked at the Botanic Garden, Detective Birdsall races to find the real Sam Vance before he kills everyone who was at the wedding, including Vance's new fiancée AMY, a bridesmaid of Eleanor's.

"... and solemnly vow to love and avenge you always."

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Sweet and gentle YVONNE CHUMOMISTO fought her destiny of becoming a whore, but there was just something in her blood that compelled her to sell her body. Her GRANDMOTHER was a gypsy forced into sexual slavery by the NAZI's in WWII but who escaped to the US with Yvonne's infant MOTHER shortly after the war. When one of her clients, the SON of a famed NAZI HUNTER, tells her that her compulsive sexuality is the result of Nazi bio-experiments on her grandmother, an infuriated Yvonne volunteers her body to use in his fight to track down the barbaric war profiteer SONS and DAUGHTERS of elusive Nazi scientist GREGOR LEUCHTAG in South America.

"Sex served hot, revenge served cold."

Monday, June 15, 2009


After reading the first hundred pages of Don Quixote, Mexican-American equestrian groom ANTONIO GUZMAN is inspired to become a "Knight Errant" to prove his worth to HOLLY MARQUIS, the beautiful young woman whose horses he cares for and who barely knows he exists. Antonio dubs himself "Don Napa" and enlists the help of amiable junkie PHIL OWINGS to be his sidekick, and together they ride horse and mule south from Napa Valley searching for adventure and wrongs to right in California and eventually into Mexico. The increasingly delusional Don Napa and strung-out Phil come to believe that their ultimate mission is to find the legendary city of El Dorado and bring Holly back a crown of gold that will make her Don Napa's queen.

"Chivalry isn't dead, it's just very confused."

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Menacing-looking KEVIN JUNE is a flag-waving patriot... and world-class stoner. Deep in the caves of New Mexico, his underground pot farms are producing varietals of marijuana that safely mimic the effects of drugs like cocaine and heroin in his personal crusade to "eliminate American reliance on foreign narcotics" and bring an end the drug wars that plague the USA and the world. Little does Kevin know that his operation has been infiltrated by DEA agent EMMA OOLONG, a lifetime anti-drug crusader who has second thoughts about her beliefs when she accidentally smokes Kevin's "secret weapon" strain that makes it physically impossible to even pick up a weapon, let alone fire it, without breaking into hysterical laughter for days after ingesting it. Emma must choose between her life's work and her new feelings for Kevin when she learns that DRUG KINGPINS from Afghanistan and Bolivia have sent KILL SQUADS to destroy Kevin and his operation.

"Buy American high American!"

Saturday, June 13, 2009


30ish free spirit CRAIG STINZ never shares anything about his past, but he freely shares everything he has in the present... which is somehow quite considerable for a career high school cafeteria worker. Always a STUDENT favorite for his nuggets of wisdom about surviving high school, Craig has been working his way across the country, one state at a time, one school a year, to fulfill his dream of one day working in a cafeteria in all 50 states. When he falls in love with loquacious English teacher MISS HURST towards the end of the school year, his need to relocate is tested, and their nascent relationship is strained when MR. ANTHONY, the history teacher and rival for Miss Hurst's affection, digs up secrets from Craig's turbulent past.

"The man. The myth. The mystery meat."

Friday, June 12, 2009


JIM and MIRIAM BLASING were compassionate, educated and enthusiastic parents and did everything they could to raise their son RICHARD (12) and daughter VIRGINIA (10) right. They failed. Richard and Virginia have IQs off the charts, but instead of applying them in the classroom they've used them to wage emotional war against their parents, cruelly bullying them to the point where Jim and Miriam become the submissives and Richard and Virginia the dominants. When their preternaturally manipulative children, who have accessed the deepest recesses of their parents' insecurities and emotional dirty laundry, launch a campaign to separate Jim and Miriam from their FRIENDS and EXTENDED FAMILY to achieve even greater control, Jim and Miriam must decide how far they will go to fight for their independence, their marriage, and even their lives.

"This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."

Thursday, June 11, 2009


The Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center, aka "The Brain Bank," is home to some of the world's leading nervous system and neural disease RESEARCHERS. It's also a warehouse for nearly 10,000 human brains of all backgrounds... brains that still have more going on in them after death than anyone has ever realized. Take BRIAN for instance... although his body's been dead for three days, his brain is still very active, and able to communicate psychically with many other of the chatty BRAINS on his floor, but what makes Brian special is that he is the first brain that can communicate with the still-living... forensic specialist-in-training ELEANOR JACKSON to be specific. At first Eleanor thinks she's gone mad, but with the help of her unusual partner, she uses information passed on to her by the brains to solve crimes... the hardest case being what really happened to Brian's body.

"We finally have time to think."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Broken-armed 15-year-old MICHAEL WEIL is used to indignities, but when his PARENTS hire a hot 21-year-old babysitter named WENDY to fill in for the usual sitter PAMELA and stay with him and the 10-year-old twins (ELLA and NORMAN) while they go out of town for one night, he's mortified. Wendy coyly teases and toys with Michael, then shifts personalities, ties all three of them up and tells a bedtime story... a story of a terrible place called "Sever Land," an island where nice boys and girls are tortured and mutilated for the pleasure of THE CAPTAIN. The twins are scared out of their wits by the story, but when Michael bravely tries to show Wendy that he's not afraid of words, Wendy takes them all by the hand and FLIES OUT THE WINDOW... all the way to Sever Land. After Michael is separated from the twins by the hideously mutated LOST BOYS, he watches in horror as the Captain kills a bound and gagged Pamela and feeds her to his ALLIGATOR, knowing that this nightmare has become sickeningly real.

"You can die! You can die! You can die!"

(Special thanks to Jeremy and Billy at Tower Farm- gorging on their unique horror reviews gave me inspiration for today's pitch.)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


One by one, SOMEONE... or SOMETHING is short-circuiting the minds of the PHYSICISTS and ENGINEERS running the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) 500ft feet below the surface of the Franco-Swiss border. With the connector to the surface sabotaged and communication cut off, science mag journalist TOBEY BRIDGES races against time to stem the flow of previously hypothetical particles of dark matter known as "strangelets" that appear and cause hyper-intense experiences of ecstasy or terror... and instantaneous, microscopic genetic mutations... when they interact with humans. When a countdown to collide opposing beams at dangerous strengths approaches zero hour, Tobey finds three dazed RELIGIOUS FANATICS who believed the LHC could bring about "the end of days" but now are gibbering that they've unleashed something far worse... something that's running loose in the tunnels and headed toward the surface.

"Experience terror on a molecular level."

Monday, June 8, 2009

100th Pitch and L.A. Examiner Interview

O.K... sunglasses on? Check. Now, you look that way and I'll look the other way...

I was fairly certain that I wouldn't make any extraneous posts during the course of the Movie Pitch Project, but in light of today being the 100th pitch AND the day that an interview with me conducted by Marvin Miranda was published at the L.A. Examiner, I thought I'd make an exception.

I just want to say thank you to all the people who've supported me during this process. The artwork that's been submitted is so fantastic, and I'm really moved every time I scroll down to one. I have a small but loyal group of followers whose clicks keep me inspired whenever my spirits are low or I'm contemplating letting the streak come to an end. Thank you to my copywriting clients at without you, undertaking passion projects like this would be impossible.

And finally, I have Mrs. Word Player, whose support of my stabs at creating something of value means more than words, or wordplay, can ever communicate.

OK, on with the show!


Connecticut teenagers DANIELLE, MICHAEL and OLLIE sneak down into Danielle's FATHER's basement laboratory to play the drinking game "Century Club": a 1 oz shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. Danielle makes vicious fun of her father's longtime project- a time machine- but in fooling around with it she discovers what he's never been able to- it only works when the passengers have an extremely elevated blood alcohol level. The three of them wake up with a splitting headache... in the year 1910! Ollie, a first time drinker, just wants to get back home, but Danielle and Michael- who believe themselves to be party animals- get one new PERSON drunk in each century they joyride through until they're traveling backwards through time in what feels like an overstuffed VW Beetle. When a miscalculation takes them back 1000 years instead of 100 to the year 610 and there's not a drop of alcohol in sight, Danielle and her crew of CENTURY CLUBBERS sober up and search for a way back home.

"Time for a drinking game?"

Sunday, June 7, 2009


KEITH AZINGER was a real wise-ass growing up. His uncanny knack for putting people down earned him the nickname "The Zinger" in high school, but his burgeoning popularity came to a screeching halt when a TEACHER he had mercilessly zinged in class went home that night and committed suicide. Ten years later Keith is a morose and taciturn suicide hotline operator who's kept his promise never to laugh or make a joke again, but when he falls in love with freewheeling zingmeister MAURA BACON he must choose between a life of guilty love and laughter, or pious penance and pain.

"A cutting wit can leave scars."

Saturday, June 6, 2009


CHAD JANKIEWICZ always knew he was different from the rest of his upper-middle class New Jersey FAMILY, but when he found out he was adopted it was the shock of a lifetime. ROBBIE MACGILLIVRAY shows up at Chad's high school graduation and tells him that he's the youngest of the five MACGILLIVRAY BROTHERS who were scattered to different points of the globe as young children to protect them after the murder of their ASTRONOMER PARENTS in Bonnybridge, Scotland by a NEFARIOUS SECRET SOCIETY. The surviving MacGillivrays are gathering back in Bonnybridge to avenge their parents' death and take part in a family ceremony that stretches back centuries and contains the secret of why there are more U.F.O. sightings in Bonnybridge than any place on Earth.

"Giving new meaning to the term 'distant relatives.'"

(Special thanks to Andrew Bosley's Brainstormer for help inspiring today's pitch!)

Friday, June 5, 2009


Artwork by Somsara, courtesy of Art Design 3(6)5

PHILLIP CANNON is so smart it hurts. Literally. His work as a geneticist could very well lead to breakthroughs in fighting disease, but the millions of computations that constantly play out in his mind have all but paralyzed his ability to sleep, relax or converse with people whose IQ is below 170. When Phillip falls in love with sweet, uncomplicated MEG but finds himself unable to create any kind of rapport with her, he sets out to systematically dumb himself down... by any means necessary. His plan seems to be working, until smitten Meg discovers what he's doing and, along with Phillip's research partner (and jealous would-be lover) ALEXIS, they fight to turn him back towards unhappy brilliance.

"He was too smart for love."

Thursday, June 4, 2009


DANNY WHEELER finally felt like his life was in order- new job, new town, and a great new girlfriend in COLETTE. When Colette finds out how long it's been since Danny has seen a doctor of any kind, she all but forces him to get a physical from her doctor just before Danny's 30th birthday. Cheerful DR. GALBRAITH is performing all the usual tests... then Danny wakes up in one of the patient's room. He's told he passed out when blood was being taken, but that doesn't feel right to him. Danny's health begins to deteriorate rapidly, but neither Colette nor Dr. Galbraith seem concerned at all. When his scalp begins secreting a film of viscous blue liquid every night, an increasingly frantic and weak Danny tries to find out what's been done to him and reverse it... despite everyone's assurances that he's going to be just fine.

"I promise, it's all in your head."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Private detective HENRY HOLDER is hired by RACHEL BLAKE shortly after her father XAVIER's murder- not to solve it, but to find out who is still receiving large monthly sums of his (now her) money even after his death. Holder follows the money to three people (a COP, a WAITRESS and a MUSICIAN), but all of them can only tell him that they are being paid not to talk, and that if they say a word the payments will stop. As Holder develops feelings for both Rachel and ANNA the waitress, his investigation uncovers very dark secrets about the Blake family that could lead to some hush money of his own... if he's lucky.

"There are some very expensive skeletons in this closet."

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


FELIX was groomed from a very young age to be a villain. On his 18th birthday, feeling his training was complete, he betrayed and murdered his father and mentor CYRUS... and saw in Cyrus's dying eyes that he had done well... that he was ready. The burning question he faced was... ready for what? Felix leaves behind the wealth and power of his birthright and strikes out into the world seeking his destiny and evil identity... and believes he's found his path in the form of ALEXANDRA, a woman he could rule the world with... but is just as bent on turning him to the side of good as he is on turning her into a perfect villainess.

"The hero's journey didn't interest him."

Monday, June 1, 2009


High school senior CRAIG CHIMONIDES is devastated when his MOTHER is one of the 16 female employees massacred at her biological research facility by ROBERTO WRUT, the eccentric millionaire who provided their funding. When Craig returns from her funeral, he discovers a cryptic note from her telling him that he must go to her grave every night and wait for "a sign." Craig follows her instructions, and notices a scattering of other SONS and DAUGHTERS of the 16 victims... also waiting. Each morning when he returns home, he has vivid nightmares of cannibalism and mutations, and the daylight hours become more and more unbearable. Finally the night comes when the "child must give birth to the mother" and Craig and his fellow "ghouls" are compelled to dig up their mothers' corpses and for the final phase of an experiment that, Craig discovers, all 16 women willingly gave their lives to Roberto Wrut for... or, I should say, gave their first lives for.

"Life tastes sweetest after death."

Sunday, May 31, 2009


It's no secret that the number of screens projecting images at us is increasing exponentially, and microtechnology researcher REED SCHUMAKER has been at the heart of many advances in the shrinking and ability of 21st century screens. When his local politician wife NATALIE is gravely injured in a car accident and knocked into a coma, Reed applies his untested, experimental contact lens-size screens to her eyes to project comforting images and home movies to her while she heals. Reed discovers an unexpected side effect of his treatment, when he picks up images from Natalie's mind's eye on the screen he is using to project to her eyes... images that show that her car crash was no accident and that she may have been the victim of a SERIAL KILLER using newly developed technology of his own to track and kill people who have already been injured, thus avoiding appearance of foul play. When Natalie dies, Reed embarks on a mission to avenge her death using "mind screens" to track down and destroy her murderer.

"Let me show you what I can see."

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Two lifelong, 80s obsessed friends- bachelor ANDY SHOW (41) and bachelorette JENNIFER HOFFMAN (39)- become frustrated with the online dating options available to them and start their own service "Cassingles," which sets up people born in the 60s and 70s based on profiles generated strictly by who they were from ages 15-21 and tosses out information like net worth, career path and adult dating history. The service is an instant success, propelling Andy and Jennifer to media stardom and not a few eerily successful DATES of their own, but while previously shy Jennifer enjoys finally being "the pick of the litter," Andy interprets his blasé reaction to so many otherwise perfect dates as a sign that his true love has been staring him in the face all along.

"Love will never be an obsolete format."

Friday, May 29, 2009


A FAMILY of tropical parrots has been living wild in the Hollywood Hills of Los Angeles for generations, and have become quite Americanized- watching TV, eating junk food, and avoiding capture by ALOUICIOUS, the pet dealer to the stars. When the youngest parrot SETH comes across a book showing parrots just like him in their traditional habitats of Ecuador, he tries to organize the entire family to migrate back to South America and embrace their roots. Just as everything seems to be ready to go, his mother BUDGIE is captured by Alouicious and sold to an ANIMAL TRAINER who plans to use Budgie in a dangerous stunt on the Tonight Show for CONAN O'BRIEN and an audience of millions.

"Frankly, they're sick of crackers."

Thursday, May 28, 2009


MEYER RYAN, an 80-something retired history teacher and rabid baseball fan living a quiet life of fishing and pinochle in the Florida keys, is rooting hard for his grandson DAN. Dan is a rookie and September call-up for the San Francisco Giants, who are on the cusp of a historic playoff spot after chasing the heavily favored Dodgers all summer. When Dan shares some obscure managing tricks that Meyer taught him with Giants skipper BUG WANAMAKER, Bug hires Meyer as an assistant coach for a stretch run that requires the Giants, hobbled by injury and inexperience, to sweep the Dodgers in the last series of the year.

"Don't put life on a pitch count."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


ERIC CLAYBER grew up "gung-ho and ready to go," but when he returned to Arizona after two tours of duty in Afghanistan he'd thoroughly changed his tune on the efficacy of violence to resolve conflict. Eric collects former SOLDIERS-OF-FORTUNE and MILITARY MEN and WOMEN of a similar mind from Iraq, Sudan, Korea and beyond to create "The Neutrals"- a covert team of combat experts who go out into the world to defuse conflict, disarm combatants and spread the gospel of nonviolent conflict resolution... all without ever firing a shot. This, of course, is much easier said than done, and soon their tactics manage to bring the angry LEADERSHIP of the American Military and global terrorist organizations together to stop their common enemy... which may have been the point all along.

"Teach a man not to kill, and you have saved your life and his."

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


16 year-old tinkerer and model-builder HARVEY TOWNE was more than happy at public school- they had great shop classes- but when his nouveau riche PARENTS force him to transfer to tony private school Country Day, he's thrust into the piranha-infested waters of competitive snobbery and casually cruel elitism. Much to his surprise, Harvey is given a new look by compulsive meddler SETAREH and is quickly recruited by JACK TALENT, the leader of the de facto mafia of RICH BOYS who run the school and enjoy wielding the power their status gives them. Harvey is enthralled at "having his eyes opened" to how the world works "out there" beyond his basement workshop, but is also conflicted about the changes he sees in himself when PEGGY YI and his FRIENDS from public school try to bring him back down to earth.

"Girls are mean, but boys are meaner."

Monday, May 25, 2009


Gamine teen JANIE TOWNSHEND was surprised to be nominated for prom queen and even more surprised at how tough she took it when she lost... which wasn't helped by the teasing she took at the hands of eventual winner NINA FAIDE. Walking home with her shy date ZACK, Janie is blinded by a bright light from the skies and wakes up... on board an ALIEN spacecraft. Jamie and Zack are informed that Jamie has been selected as the most beautiful creature on Earth and is headed for the biggest beauty contest in the Universe as the entry for the pilots of the ship ARN and GHEEGHEE, two teenagers from the distant planet FYMITIS who are bitter about their own species's perceived ugliness. Janie and Zack learn a thing or two about the universe's standards of beauty... and competition... as they are forced to participate in the pageant against creatures from across the universe: winner takes all, the home planets of the runners-up are destroyed.

"Because if you don't look good, Earth don't look good."

Sunday, May 24, 2009


It's time to have some fun with... movies that climax with pull-the-rug-out twist endings. 1965. VIOLA is a teenage girl determined to meet THE BEATLES, and when she doses herself and GEORGE HARRISON with LSD she discovers that the band are actually ALIENS. Suddenly, a much older Viola wakes up in the office of DR. MILLICKEN in a regression therapy session hoping to discover the identity of a KILLER who's been plaguing quiet Stinson Cove for decades, until we pull back to reveal that Viola is superstar MACK BRANCH in heavy prosthetic makeup playing the role he was born to play- his Beatles-obsessed mother Viola... who still whispers instructions to him from beyond the grave...

"Are you prepared for the unpreparable?"

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Celebrated visual artist JOSHUA RAYMOND was the toast of New York City, "The King of Stimuli" and one of the brightest stars of the art world. When his new love, sculptress ELIZA U., is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Joshua lashes out in his grief by embarking on his most ambitious project yet- to create a wide expanse of absolutely nothing where he and Eliza can share her last moments on Earth absolutely and utterly alone together. Joshua learns how to make the sky disappear, to create the illusion that there is no ground below them, but try as he might cannot stop time. Years after Eliza passes on, young artist FRANCES makes a pilgrimage to Joshua's empty landscape and proposes a new art experiment to him, one that could bring color back into the void.

"We live on a canvas... can we leave a mark?"

Friday, May 22, 2009


While most neighborhood KIDS are building tree forts or boxcar racers, ultra-enthusiastic 11-year-old STEVIE COLMAN, son of college professor DR. COLMAN, is conducting psychological "research" on his peers... often getting beaten up when he shares his "findings." When a sprained ankle gains him entrance to the once-stately home of neighborhood "mean old lady" GWENDOLYN SLOSS, Stevie believes that he's finally found someone who truly needs psychiatric care. "Miss Gwennie" humors the boy as often as she taunts him for being "too sunny," and sees him for a series of "sessions" throughout the summer that slowly uncover secrets she's been keeping about her past and her medical conditions... secrets that could either save her life or endanger his.

"Sunshine doesn't always beat back the dark."

Thursday, May 21, 2009

For years, happily married couple DANI and CHRIS haven't spent a single night apart: every morning Dani playfully asks Chris "Do you still love me?" and Chris always responds with an emphatic "Yes." Dani nearly goes into a state of shock when one morning Chris flatly answers "No" to her traditional question, but moments later Chris proclaims no recollection of saying "No" and appears to be his usual self. Over time, Dani wakes up and finds her bed empty in the middle of the night, and Chris appears to be "elsewhere" for longer and longer periods in the morning. When Chris begins appearing in Dani's dreams pleading for rescue, Dani is faced with the chilling reality that SOMEONE... or SOMETHING else is controlling the body of her husband.

"What if your soul mate lost their soul?"

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


How can I put this delicately? Twentysomething siblings BETSEY and JONAS have hated each other's guts since they both fell in love with the same BOY in high school, and usually go out of their way to rain on the other's parade. On the eve of their FATHER'S second marriage to the much younger GRACE, both Betsey and Jonas find themselves in promising new relationships that they can't wait to rub in the other one's face, until they discover at the rehearsal dinner that not only are they are dating RICK and MICK, identical twins who are as sensitive as they are hot, but that Rick and Mick are the sons of their MOTHER's date FRANKLIN. Can Betsey and Jonas put their differences aside to keep peace at the wedding, a ceremony where their Mom is throwing monkey wrenches left and right?

"The family that dates together, hates together."