Tuesday, June 30, 2009


To combat increased incidences of GANGSTERS and TERRORISTS using CHILDREN to transport drugs and intelligence, the N.Y.P.D. fights fire with fire by forming the top secret Y.O.Y.O (Youth Officers Yard Org.), affectionately known as "the Peach Fuzz" by their adult squad leader SPECIAL AGENT MASON. The tightly knit group of 10-13 year-old agents features SPENCER (13), JORDAN (11) and ZANDE (10), all wards of the state who've displayed both the aptitude and willingness to participate. When their first mission is a huge success, their services are in high demand, their secret is harder to keep at school, and their ENEMIES... both ADULTS and KIDS... start to target them specifically in a game of cat-and-mouse that could be a distraction for something really big... and really bad... coming down the pike.

"Ordinary kids making extraordinary sacrifices."

Monday, June 29, 2009


High school senior RICK BELCAK has been faking it for three years. Blessed with height, the need to shave at twelve years old, and his family's out-of-state move before his freshman year, Rick reinvented himself as a tough-guy asshole who's given ultimate respect by STUDENTS at his rough public school while remaining a sweet sensitive boy at home to his doting PARENTS and much younger SIBLINGS. Rick starts dating brainy, virginal transfer student MELANIE PRICE soon after senior year begins, but after their first sexual experience he reveals his true delicate nature to her... while she reveals that she is a world-class maneater. When Melanie threatens to reveal his secret, Rick is forced to look at what he's become and choose who he wants to be.

"There's a fine line between cool and cold."

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Graphic designer SADIE ISAACS is on the wrong side of 30 and has lately adopted every hobby and niche interest (Salsa dancing! Anime! Rock climbing!) known to man in order to... know some MEN. Exhausted by the process and tired of being the aggressor on the dating circuit, Sadie returns to the hobby that made her happy as a young girl- designing and building doll houses. MARVIN POYNTER is the king of the LOCAL NERDS, owner of a local hobby shop and obsessive builder of model planes and miniature military scenes. His long term relationship with CARLA- essentially a female clone of himself- is thrown into turmoil when Sadie walks into his shop and asks for his help in building an epic dollhouse in her downtown loft.

"Love is finding someone you want to kill time with."

(Today's post is dedicated to Billy Mernit's Living the Romantic Comedy. Happy 4th Blogoversary!)

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Arrogant superstar comedian MELZER JONES has run roughshod over the law... until now. For his latest act of hotel carnage, JUDGE KAUFMAN sentences Jones to 1000 hours of community service at a soup kitchen in downtown Los Angeles. Jones jokes to his FRIENDS that his job is "serving soup to nuts," but as he races to complete the 1000 hours before his upcoming wedding to supermodel DULCINA he learns a thing or two about life... and comedy... from the strong bonds he forms with the troubled PATRONS of the soup kitchen.

"Waiter, there's a lie in my soup."

Friday, June 26, 2009


It's one thing to enjoy celebrity excess from the outside looking in, but quite another if you're experiencing it firsthand behind closed doors...

Struggling but proud musician ALEC SIRK runs up such an enormous mountain of debt that he throws himself on the mercy of "GENEROUS JIM" GYPSUM's shady Hollywood debt restructuring company. The deal is this- all the debt goes away if Alec becomes one of a phalanx of SERVANTS living in the mansion of aging, wildly eccentric movie star PARKER CONRAD and serving his every whim 24/7 for one year. Alec is about to say "no" when gorgeous and equally as debt-ridden would-be singer SAMANTHA FRIENDLY walks into Gypsum's office to agree to the same deal. When he says to himself "how bad could it be?" Alec has no idea how bad it WILL be...

"And you thought your boss was crazy..."

Thursday, June 25, 2009


This is the legend of the best M.C. the world has ever known, a lyrical tragedy the world has never known... until now.

1982. Slightly warped funk session musician L.P. MULKEY is so enamored of hip-hop that he teaches his infant son WAX to speak only in rhyme hoping that he will grow up to be the biggest and richest rap star ever. By the time he's a teenager, Wax is blowing other M.C.'s away but the scars (mental and physical) he suffers at the hands of his overbearing father cause him to cut out his own vocal chords the same day he signs an enormous recording contract.

Today. Overweight TINA TEE seeks out the reclusive Wax- who rhymes with his hands now- and tries to convince him to mentor her in the ways of the M.C.

"A performance never again performed on a mic."

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


ANDERSON L. FRANK prides himself on being the blankest of blank slates, but at 30 that hasn't gotten him very far. After struggling for years to find paying work as an actor, Anderson discovers an acting-for-hire subculture on Craigslist: $500 here to play a dog walker for a SINGLE FATHER eager to "lose" an irritating dog without his KIDS hating him, $1000 there to play the boyfriend of a homely WOMAN attending her 10-year high school reunion. Things get tricky for Anderson when he's offered $50,000 by an UNSEEN BENEFACTOR to pose as a long-lost stepbrother to beautiful sisters AILEEN and TANYA WALLACH, who stand to inherit millions after the sudden death of their FATHER and STEPMOTHER in a tragic boating accident.

"The role he was born to play changes every day."

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Performance artist OLIVER IVY prides himself on being two things- funny and sneaky. Buoyed by the success of John Stewart, Sacha Baron Cohen and the Onion, Oliver and his no-nonsense producer MAGGIE ALEXEI sell the pilot of their satirical 60 Minutes-type show Communiqué and quickly become a controversial phenomenon. When Oliver accidentally uncovers an important real news story linking Chinese bureaucrat WU ZEMIN to Wall Street destabilization, Oliver finds that no one will take his reporting seriously... except for Wu, whose GOONS make life increasingly uncomfortable for Oliver and his plucky CREW as they try to stage the infotainment event of the century.

"What do you want first: the good news or the real news?"

Monday, June 22, 2009


Cocky CLARK BALLEY has always been a quick study, so when he buys a dusty old book called "Parlor Tricks" at a flea market, he decides to learn a few to perform that night at a dinner party his new girlfriend VANESSA is taking him to. Clark is an instant hit, tricking the host couple FINCH and KATE into saying embarrassing things, pulling an astonishing number of cards out of JACKIE'S blouse, etc. Clark disregards the book's warnings about attempting "the disappearing trick" and actually makes Vanessa vanish in a showstopping trick... but quickly discovers that he has no idea how to make her come back. When other guests are completely unable to make any of the tricks in the book work, Clark is faced with two possibilities- a huge practical joke is being played on him... or he's capable of magic.

"Try, try, try to understand... he's a magic man."

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Once-mighty law firm HENSHAW & RUSSELL loses power and prestige in the wake of the sordid murder-suicide pact between founding partner TREVOR HENSHAW and his son COLBY, the heir-apparent. Ambitious paralegal VANESSA UPTON fears for her job until TAYLOR HENSHAW, the twin brother of Trevor who'd been living overseas for decades, is installed as managing partner. Taylor chooses Vanessa as his connection to the firm, operating strictly by hand-delivered memos that she and she alone can hand out. Vanessa reads the first batch of memos before delivery and discovers them to be filled with psychotic ramblings and paranoia about rival firm COGHLAN and KOENIGSBERG's plan to destroy Henshaw and Russell. Vanessa takes to rewriting Taylor's memos and, for a time, rights the corporate ship, but when LAWYERS in the firm begin showing up for work missing fingers and ears, Vanessa sees that Taylor may be the savior of the firm after all.

"The best insanity defense is a good insanity offense."

Saturday, June 20, 2009


The Equestrian District of Los Angeles, where hundreds of homes have their own horse stables on the property, lies at the intersection of old money, new media, and Hollywood power. The jewel in the crown is the ALBRECHT FAMILY's Equestrian Center, a hotbed of ambition, beauty and grace... and that's just the horses. When paterfamilias WILLIAM ALBRECHT is suspiciously trampled to death the night before the biggest show jumping event of the season, the list of suspects includes his much-younger wife HELENA, his top rider FRANKIE, his trainer GABRIELA and his business rival JACK TRENT. Mounted policeman RICH BLOOM, who stables his own horse at the Equestrian Center, is drawn into the intrigue on a professional and personal level, as his girlfriend MICHELLE is one of the competitors in the big show.

"This town runs on horse power."

Friday, June 19, 2009


Artwork by Peter Kavelin

RORY DANK is a house music deejay who, despite forsaking "a normal life" and all its trappings, never could make it to the top of the bill. Now pushing 40 and desperate to hang on to life in the scene, Rory is approached by ravishing SCARLETT and encouraged to take a series of underground gigs-- literally underground, deep in caverns across America-- playing to "tribal gatherings" of RAVEN-HAIRED GOTH TYPES. Scarlett gives him a handful of unmarked vinyl records that not only make the rest of his record collection come alive, they elicit orgiastic responses from the GROWING CROWDS of people who assemble to hear him play. Rory thrives on the response to his playing, even as the music he selects gets weirder... and even scarier, and old DAY-GLO FRIENDS that he brings to the gigs begin to transform into bizarre goths themselves. Scarlett convinces him to play one more gig, deep in Neff's Cave in the Wasatch Mountains, so the mysterious HEAD OF THE LABEL can meet Jeff- the man who's been "spreading his message" better than anyone in history.

"The deejay made me do it."

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Struggling NYC experimental writer ARTHUR GENTRY is on the cusp of being forced to move back to Iowa and live with his PARENTS when he receives an invitation to live on the infamous, secretive Maine writer's colony known as the S.O.C. ("Society of Characters"). Arthur is puzzled- the S.O.C. has the reputation in the MEDIA and JEALOUS LITERARY CIRCLES of being a collective of eccentrics, each more unhinged than the last, whereas Arthur couldn't be more straight-laced and logical in his personal life. When he arrives, his "sponsor" GINGER explains that he's been invited to be the new "staff writer" whose job it is to concoct new stories about and for the S.O.C., including performance art "scenes" to be played out in public view by S.O.C. MEMBERS to further their reputation as madcap nutters... a reputation that sells them more books than the quality of their output.

"If you want to print the legend, you have to come up with it first."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


The storybook wedding of SAM VANCE and ELEANOR FRAWLEY at the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden ends in horror when a fire sweeps through the hedge maze where their wedding pictures are being taken, killing Eleanor and burning Sam badly enough to put him into a coma. Nearly a year later, Detective DAVID BIRDSALL investigates a series of murders that have three things in common- the victims are all MARRIED COUPLES, they were all at the Vance/Frawley wedding, and they are all killed on their anniversary. Detective Birdsall investigates Vance, but his NURSES swear that he hasn't moved since the fire. When "Vance" comes out of his coma days before the first anniversary of the disastrous Vance/Frawley wedding and is revealed to be an undocumented GARDENER who worked at the Botanic Garden, Detective Birdsall races to find the real Sam Vance before he kills everyone who was at the wedding, including Vance's new fiancée AMY, a bridesmaid of Eleanor's.

"... and solemnly vow to love and avenge you always."

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Sweet and gentle YVONNE CHUMOMISTO fought her destiny of becoming a whore, but there was just something in her blood that compelled her to sell her body. Her GRANDMOTHER was a gypsy forced into sexual slavery by the NAZI's in WWII but who escaped to the US with Yvonne's infant MOTHER shortly after the war. When one of her clients, the SON of a famed NAZI HUNTER, tells her that her compulsive sexuality is the result of Nazi bio-experiments on her grandmother, an infuriated Yvonne volunteers her body to use in his fight to track down the barbaric war profiteer SONS and DAUGHTERS of elusive Nazi scientist GREGOR LEUCHTAG in South America.

"Sex served hot, revenge served cold."

Monday, June 15, 2009


After reading the first hundred pages of Don Quixote, Mexican-American equestrian groom ANTONIO GUZMAN is inspired to become a "Knight Errant" to prove his worth to HOLLY MARQUIS, the beautiful young woman whose horses he cares for and who barely knows he exists. Antonio dubs himself "Don Napa" and enlists the help of amiable junkie PHIL OWINGS to be his sidekick, and together they ride horse and mule south from Napa Valley searching for adventure and wrongs to right in California and eventually into Mexico. The increasingly delusional Don Napa and strung-out Phil come to believe that their ultimate mission is to find the legendary city of El Dorado and bring Holly back a crown of gold that will make her Don Napa's queen.

"Chivalry isn't dead, it's just very confused."

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Menacing-looking KEVIN JUNE is a flag-waving patriot... and world-class stoner. Deep in the caves of New Mexico, his underground pot farms are producing varietals of marijuana that safely mimic the effects of drugs like cocaine and heroin in his personal crusade to "eliminate American reliance on foreign narcotics" and bring an end the drug wars that plague the USA and the world. Little does Kevin know that his operation has been infiltrated by DEA agent EMMA OOLONG, a lifetime anti-drug crusader who has second thoughts about her beliefs when she accidentally smokes Kevin's "secret weapon" strain that makes it physically impossible to even pick up a weapon, let alone fire it, without breaking into hysterical laughter for days after ingesting it. Emma must choose between her life's work and her new feelings for Kevin when she learns that DRUG KINGPINS from Afghanistan and Bolivia have sent KILL SQUADS to destroy Kevin and his operation.

"Buy American high American!"

Saturday, June 13, 2009


30ish free spirit CRAIG STINZ never shares anything about his past, but he freely shares everything he has in the present... which is somehow quite considerable for a career high school cafeteria worker. Always a STUDENT favorite for his nuggets of wisdom about surviving high school, Craig has been working his way across the country, one state at a time, one school a year, to fulfill his dream of one day working in a cafeteria in all 50 states. When he falls in love with loquacious English teacher MISS HURST towards the end of the school year, his need to relocate is tested, and their nascent relationship is strained when MR. ANTHONY, the history teacher and rival for Miss Hurst's affection, digs up secrets from Craig's turbulent past.

"The man. The myth. The mystery meat."

Friday, June 12, 2009


JIM and MIRIAM BLASING were compassionate, educated and enthusiastic parents and did everything they could to raise their son RICHARD (12) and daughter VIRGINIA (10) right. They failed. Richard and Virginia have IQs off the charts, but instead of applying them in the classroom they've used them to wage emotional war against their parents, cruelly bullying them to the point where Jim and Miriam become the submissives and Richard and Virginia the dominants. When their preternaturally manipulative children, who have accessed the deepest recesses of their parents' insecurities and emotional dirty laundry, launch a campaign to separate Jim and Miriam from their FRIENDS and EXTENDED FAMILY to achieve even greater control, Jim and Miriam must decide how far they will go to fight for their independence, their marriage, and even their lives.

"This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."

Thursday, June 11, 2009


The Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center, aka "The Brain Bank," is home to some of the world's leading nervous system and neural disease RESEARCHERS. It's also a warehouse for nearly 10,000 human brains of all backgrounds... brains that still have more going on in them after death than anyone has ever realized. Take BRIAN for instance... although his body's been dead for three days, his brain is still very active, and able to communicate psychically with many other of the chatty BRAINS on his floor, but what makes Brian special is that he is the first brain that can communicate with the still-living... forensic specialist-in-training ELEANOR JACKSON to be specific. At first Eleanor thinks she's gone mad, but with the help of her unusual partner, she uses information passed on to her by the brains to solve crimes... the hardest case being what really happened to Brian's body.

"We finally have time to think."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Broken-armed 15-year-old MICHAEL WEIL is used to indignities, but when his PARENTS hire a hot 21-year-old babysitter named WENDY to fill in for the usual sitter PAMELA and stay with him and the 10-year-old twins (ELLA and NORMAN) while they go out of town for one night, he's mortified. Wendy coyly teases and toys with Michael, then shifts personalities, ties all three of them up and tells a bedtime story... a story of a terrible place called "Sever Land," an island where nice boys and girls are tortured and mutilated for the pleasure of THE CAPTAIN. The twins are scared out of their wits by the story, but when Michael bravely tries to show Wendy that he's not afraid of words, Wendy takes them all by the hand and FLIES OUT THE WINDOW... all the way to Sever Land. After Michael is separated from the twins by the hideously mutated LOST BOYS, he watches in horror as the Captain kills a bound and gagged Pamela and feeds her to his ALLIGATOR, knowing that this nightmare has become sickeningly real.

"You can die! You can die! You can die!"

(Special thanks to Jeremy and Billy at Tower Farm- gorging on their unique horror reviews gave me inspiration for today's pitch.)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


One by one, SOMEONE... or SOMETHING is short-circuiting the minds of the PHYSICISTS and ENGINEERS running the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) 500ft feet below the surface of the Franco-Swiss border. With the connector to the surface sabotaged and communication cut off, science mag journalist TOBEY BRIDGES races against time to stem the flow of previously hypothetical particles of dark matter known as "strangelets" that appear and cause hyper-intense experiences of ecstasy or terror... and instantaneous, microscopic genetic mutations... when they interact with humans. When a countdown to collide opposing beams at dangerous strengths approaches zero hour, Tobey finds three dazed RELIGIOUS FANATICS who believed the LHC could bring about "the end of days" but now are gibbering that they've unleashed something far worse... something that's running loose in the tunnels and headed toward the surface.

"Experience terror on a molecular level."

Monday, June 8, 2009

100th Pitch and L.A. Examiner Interview

O.K... sunglasses on? Check. Now, you look that way and I'll look the other way...

I was fairly certain that I wouldn't make any extraneous posts during the course of the Movie Pitch Project, but in light of today being the 100th pitch AND the day that an interview with me conducted by Marvin Miranda was published at the L.A. Examiner, I thought I'd make an exception.

I just want to say thank you to all the people who've supported me during this process. The artwork that's been submitted is so fantastic, and I'm really moved every time I scroll down to one. I have a small but loyal group of followers whose clicks keep me inspired whenever my spirits are low or I'm contemplating letting the streak come to an end. Thank you to my copywriting clients at dsrielly.com- without you, undertaking passion projects like this would be impossible.

And finally, I have Mrs. Word Player, whose support of my stabs at creating something of value means more than words, or wordplay, can ever communicate.

OK, on with the show!


Connecticut teenagers DANIELLE, MICHAEL and OLLIE sneak down into Danielle's FATHER's basement laboratory to play the drinking game "Century Club": a 1 oz shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. Danielle makes vicious fun of her father's longtime project- a time machine- but in fooling around with it she discovers what he's never been able to- it only works when the passengers have an extremely elevated blood alcohol level. The three of them wake up with a splitting headache... in the year 1910! Ollie, a first time drinker, just wants to get back home, but Danielle and Michael- who believe themselves to be party animals- get one new PERSON drunk in each century they joyride through until they're traveling backwards through time in what feels like an overstuffed VW Beetle. When a miscalculation takes them back 1000 years instead of 100 to the year 610 and there's not a drop of alcohol in sight, Danielle and her crew of CENTURY CLUBBERS sober up and search for a way back home.

"Time for a drinking game?"

Sunday, June 7, 2009


KEITH AZINGER was a real wise-ass growing up. His uncanny knack for putting people down earned him the nickname "The Zinger" in high school, but his burgeoning popularity came to a screeching halt when a TEACHER he had mercilessly zinged in class went home that night and committed suicide. Ten years later Keith is a morose and taciturn suicide hotline operator who's kept his promise never to laugh or make a joke again, but when he falls in love with freewheeling zingmeister MAURA BACON he must choose between a life of guilty love and laughter, or pious penance and pain.

"A cutting wit can leave scars."

Saturday, June 6, 2009


CHAD JANKIEWICZ always knew he was different from the rest of his upper-middle class New Jersey FAMILY, but when he found out he was adopted it was the shock of a lifetime. ROBBIE MACGILLIVRAY shows up at Chad's high school graduation and tells him that he's the youngest of the five MACGILLIVRAY BROTHERS who were scattered to different points of the globe as young children to protect them after the murder of their ASTRONOMER PARENTS in Bonnybridge, Scotland by a NEFARIOUS SECRET SOCIETY. The surviving MacGillivrays are gathering back in Bonnybridge to avenge their parents' death and take part in a family ceremony that stretches back centuries and contains the secret of why there are more U.F.O. sightings in Bonnybridge than any place on Earth.

"Giving new meaning to the term 'distant relatives.'"

(Special thanks to Andrew Bosley's Brainstormer for help inspiring today's pitch!)

Friday, June 5, 2009


Artwork by Somsara, courtesy of Art Design 3(6)5

PHILLIP CANNON is so smart it hurts. Literally. His work as a geneticist could very well lead to breakthroughs in fighting disease, but the millions of computations that constantly play out in his mind have all but paralyzed his ability to sleep, relax or converse with people whose IQ is below 170. When Phillip falls in love with sweet, uncomplicated MEG but finds himself unable to create any kind of rapport with her, he sets out to systematically dumb himself down... by any means necessary. His plan seems to be working, until smitten Meg discovers what he's doing and, along with Phillip's research partner (and jealous would-be lover) ALEXIS, they fight to turn him back towards unhappy brilliance.

"He was too smart for love."

Thursday, June 4, 2009


DANNY WHEELER finally felt like his life was in order- new job, new town, and a great new girlfriend in COLETTE. When Colette finds out how long it's been since Danny has seen a doctor of any kind, she all but forces him to get a physical from her doctor just before Danny's 30th birthday. Cheerful DR. GALBRAITH is performing all the usual tests... then Danny wakes up in one of the patient's room. He's told he passed out when blood was being taken, but that doesn't feel right to him. Danny's health begins to deteriorate rapidly, but neither Colette nor Dr. Galbraith seem concerned at all. When his scalp begins secreting a film of viscous blue liquid every night, an increasingly frantic and weak Danny tries to find out what's been done to him and reverse it... despite everyone's assurances that he's going to be just fine.

"I promise, it's all in your head."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Private detective HENRY HOLDER is hired by RACHEL BLAKE shortly after her father XAVIER's murder- not to solve it, but to find out who is still receiving large monthly sums of his (now her) money even after his death. Holder follows the money to three people (a COP, a WAITRESS and a MUSICIAN), but all of them can only tell him that they are being paid not to talk, and that if they say a word the payments will stop. As Holder develops feelings for both Rachel and ANNA the waitress, his investigation uncovers very dark secrets about the Blake family that could lead to some hush money of his own... if he's lucky.

"There are some very expensive skeletons in this closet."

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


FELIX was groomed from a very young age to be a villain. On his 18th birthday, feeling his training was complete, he betrayed and murdered his father and mentor CYRUS... and saw in Cyrus's dying eyes that he had done well... that he was ready. The burning question he faced was... ready for what? Felix leaves behind the wealth and power of his birthright and strikes out into the world seeking his destiny and evil identity... and believes he's found his path in the form of ALEXANDRA, a woman he could rule the world with... but is just as bent on turning him to the side of good as he is on turning her into a perfect villainess.

"The hero's journey didn't interest him."

Monday, June 1, 2009


High school senior CRAIG CHIMONIDES is devastated when his MOTHER is one of the 16 female employees massacred at her biological research facility by ROBERTO WRUT, the eccentric millionaire who provided their funding. When Craig returns from her funeral, he discovers a cryptic note from her telling him that he must go to her grave every night and wait for "a sign." Craig follows her instructions, and notices a scattering of other SONS and DAUGHTERS of the 16 victims... also waiting. Each morning when he returns home, he has vivid nightmares of cannibalism and mutations, and the daylight hours become more and more unbearable. Finally the night comes when the "child must give birth to the mother" and Craig and his fellow "ghouls" are compelled to dig up their mothers' corpses and for the final phase of an experiment that, Craig discovers, all 16 women willingly gave their lives to Roberto Wrut for... or, I should say, gave their first lives for.

"Life tastes sweetest after death."