PEACH FUZZ

To combat increased incidences of GANGSTERS and TERRORISTS using CHILDREN to transport drugs and intelligence, the N.Y.P.D. fights fire with fire by forming the top secret Y.O.Y.O (Youth Officers Yard Org.), affectionately known as "the Peach Fuzz" by their adult squad leader SPECIAL AGENT MASON. The tightly knit group of 10-13 year-old agents features SPENCER (13), JORDAN (11) and ZANDE (10), all wards of the state who've displayed both the aptitude and willingness to participate. When their first mission is a huge success, their services are in high demand, their secret is harder to keep at school, and their ENEMIES... both ADULTS and KIDS... start to target them specifically in a game of cat-and-mouse that could be a distraction for something really big... and really bad... coming down the pike.

"Ordinary kids making extraordinary sacrifices."

A SHEEP IN WOLF'S CLOTHING

High school senior RICK BELCAK has been faking it for three years. Blessed with height, the need to shave at twelve years old, and his family's out-of-state move before his freshman year, Rick reinvented himself as a tough-guy asshole who's given ultimate respect by STUDENTS at his rough public school while remaining a sweet sensitive boy at home to his doting PARENTS and much younger SIBLINGS. Rick starts dating brainy, virginal transfer student MELANIE PRICE soon after senior year begins, but after their first sexual experience he reveals his true delicate nature to her... while she reveals that she is a world-class maneater. When Melanie threatens to reveal his secret, Rick is forced to look at what he's become and choose who he wants to be.

"There's a fine line between cool and cold."

HOBBIES INCLUDE

Graphic designer SADIE ISAACS is on the wrong side of 30 and has lately adopted every hobby and niche interest (Salsa dancing! Anime! Rock climbing!) known to man in order to... know some MEN. Exhausted by the process and tired of being the aggressor on the dating circuit, Sadie returns to the hobby that made her happy as a young girl- designing and building doll houses. MARVIN POYNTER is the king of the LOCAL NERDS, owner of a local hobby shop and obsessive builder of model planes and miniature military scenes. His long term relationship with CARLA- essentially a female clone of himself- is thrown into turmoil when Sadie walks into his shop and asks for his help in building an epic dollhouse in her downtown loft.

"Love is finding someone you want to kill time with."

(Today's post is dedicated to Billy Mernit's Living the Romantic Comedy. Happy 4th Blogoversary!)

SOUP TO NUTS

Arrogant superstar comedian MELZER JONES has run roughshod over the law... until now. For his latest act of hotel carnage, JUDGE KAUFMAN sentences Jones to 1000 hours of community service at a soup kitchen in downtown Los Angeles. Jones jokes to his FRIENDS that his job is "serving soup to nuts," but as he races to complete the 1000 hours before his upcoming wedding to supermodel DULCINA he learns a thing or two about life... and comedy... from the strong bonds he forms with the troubled PATRONS of the soup kitchen.

"Waiter, there's a lie in my soup."

BECK AND CALL

It's one thing to enjoy celebrity excess from the outside looking in, but quite another if you're experiencing it firsthand behind closed doors...

Struggling but proud musician ALEC SIRK runs up such an enormous mountain of debt that he throws himself on the mercy of "GENEROUS JIM" GYPSUM's shady Hollywood debt restructuring company. The deal is this- all the debt goes away if Alec becomes one of a phalanx of SERVANTS living in the mansion of aging, wildly eccentric movie star PARKER CONRAD and serving his every whim 24/7 for one year. Alec is about to say "no" when gorgeous and equally as debt-ridden would-be singer SAMANTHA FRIENDLY walks into Gypsum's office to agree to the same deal. When he says to himself "how bad could it be?" Alec has no idea how bad it WILL be...

"And you thought your boss was crazy..."

WAX LYRICAL

This is the legend of the best M.C. the world has ever known, a lyrical tragedy the world has never known... until now.

1982. Slightly warped funk session musician L.P. MULKEY is so enamored of hip-hop that he teaches his infant son WAX to speak only in rhyme hoping that he will grow up to be the biggest and richest rap star ever. By the time he's a teenager, Wax is blowing other M.C.'s away but the scars (mental and physical) he suffers at the hands of his overbearing father cause him to cut out his own vocal chords the same day he signs an enormous recording contract.

Today. Overweight TINA TEE seeks out the reclusive Wax- who rhymes with his hands now- and tries to convince him to mentor her in the ways of the M.C.

"A performance never again performed on a mic."

ROLE PLAY

ANDERSON L. FRANK prides himself on being the blankest of blank slates, but at 30 that hasn't gotten him very far. After struggling for years to find paying work as an actor, Anderson discovers an acting-for-hire subculture on Craigslist: $500 here to play a dog walker for a SINGLE FATHER eager to "lose" an irritating dog without his KIDS hating him, $1000 there to play the boyfriend of a homely WOMAN attending her 10-year high school reunion. Things get tricky for Anderson when he's offered $50,000 by an UNSEEN BENEFACTOR to pose as a long-lost stepbrother to beautiful sisters AILEEN and TANYA WALLACH, who stand to inherit millions after the sudden death of their FATHER and STEPMOTHER in a tragic boating accident.

"The role he was born to play changes every day."

INFOTAINMENT

Performance artist OLIVER IVY prides himself on being two things- funny and sneaky. Buoyed by the success of John Stewart, Sacha Baron Cohen and the Onion, Oliver and his no-nonsense producer MAGGIE ALEXEI sell the pilot of their satirical 60 Minutes-type show Communiqué and quickly become a controversial phenomenon. When Oliver accidentally uncovers an important real news story linking Chinese bureaucrat WU ZEMIN to Wall Street destabilization, Oliver finds that no one will take his reporting seriously... except for Wu, whose GOONS make life increasingly uncomfortable for Oliver and his plucky CREW as they try to stage the infotainment event of the century.

"What do you want first: the good news or the real news?"

PARLOR TRICKS

Cocky CLARK BALLEY has always been a quick study, so when he buys a dusty old book called "Parlor Tricks" at a flea market, he decides to learn a few to perform that night at a dinner party his new girlfriend VANESSA is taking him to. Clark is an instant hit, tricking the host couple FINCH and KATE into saying embarrassing things, pulling an astonishing number of cards out of JACKIE'S blouse, etc. Clark disregards the book's warnings about attempting "the disappearing trick" and actually makes Vanessa vanish in a showstopping trick... but quickly discovers that he has no idea how to make her come back. When other guests are completely unable to make any of the tricks in the book work, Clark is faced with two possibilities- a huge practical joke is being played on him... or he's capable of magic.

"Try, try, try to understand... he's a magic man."

MEMO

Once-mighty law firm HENSHAW & RUSSELL loses power and prestige in the wake of the sordid murder-suicide pact between founding partner TREVOR HENSHAW and his son COLBY, the heir-apparent. Ambitious paralegal VANESSA UPTON fears for her job until TAYLOR HENSHAW, the twin brother of Trevor who'd been living overseas for decades, is installed as managing partner. Taylor chooses Vanessa as his connection to the firm, operating strictly by hand-delivered memos that she and she alone can hand out. Vanessa reads the first batch of memos before delivery and discovers them to be filled with psychotic ramblings and paranoia about rival firm COGHLAN and KOENIGSBERG's plan to destroy Henshaw and Russell. Vanessa takes to rewriting Taylor's memos and, for a time, rights the corporate ship, but when LAWYERS in the firm begin showing up for work missing fingers and ears, Vanessa sees that Taylor may be the savior of the firm after all.

"The best insanity defense is a good insanity offense."

EQUESTRIAN DISTRICT

The Equestrian District of Los Angeles, where hundreds of homes have their own horse stables on the property, lies at the intersection of old money, new media, and Hollywood power. The jewel in the crown is the ALBRECHT FAMILY's Equestrian Center, a hotbed of ambition, beauty and grace... and that's just the horses. When paterfamilias WILLIAM ALBRECHT is suspiciously trampled to death the night before the biggest show jumping event of the season, the list of suspects includes his much-younger wife HELENA, his top rider FRANKIE, his trainer GABRIELA and his business rival JACK TRENT. Mounted policeman RICH BLOOM, who stables his own horse at the Equestrian Center, is drawn into the intrigue on a professional and personal level, as his girlfriend MICHELLE is one of the competitors in the big show.

"This town runs on horse power."

THE DEVIL'S DANCERS

Artwork by Peter Kavelin

RORY DANK is a house music deejay who, despite forsaking "a normal life" and all its trappings, never could make it to the top of the bill. Now pushing 40 and desperate to hang on to life in the scene, Rory is approached by ravishing SCARLETT and encouraged to take a series of underground gigs-- literally underground, deep in caverns across America-- playing to "tribal gatherings" of RAVEN-HAIRED GOTH TYPES. Scarlett gives him a handful of unmarked vinyl records that not only make the rest of his record collection come alive, they elicit orgiastic responses from the GROWING CROWDS of people who assemble to hear him play. Rory thrives on the response to his playing, even as the music he selects gets weirder... and even scarier, and old DAY-GLO FRIENDS that he brings to the gigs begin to transform into bizarre goths themselves. Scarlett convinces him to play one more gig, deep in Neff's Cave in the Wasatch Mountains, so the mysterious HEAD OF THE LABEL can meet Jeff- the man who's been "spreading his message" better than anyone in history.

"The deejay made me do it."

THE ECCENTRICS

Struggling NYC experimental writer ARTHUR GENTRY is on the cusp of being forced to move back to Iowa and live with his PARENTS when he receives an invitation to live on the infamous, secretive Maine writer's colony known as the S.O.C. ("Society of Characters"). Arthur is puzzled- the S.O.C. has the reputation in the MEDIA and JEALOUS LITERARY CIRCLES of being a collective of eccentrics, each more unhinged than the last, whereas Arthur couldn't be more straight-laced and logical in his personal life. When he arrives, his "sponsor" GINGER explains that he's been invited to be the new "staff writer" whose job it is to concoct new stories about and for the S.O.C., including performance art "scenes" to be played out in public view by S.O.C. MEMBERS to further their reputation as madcap nutters... a reputation that sells them more books than the quality of their output.

"If you want to print the legend, you have to come up with it first."

THE ANNIVERSARY KILLER

The storybook wedding of SAM VANCE and ELEANOR FRAWLEY at the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden ends in horror when a fire sweeps through the hedge maze where their wedding pictures are being taken, killing Eleanor and burning Sam badly enough to put him into a coma. Nearly a year later, Detective DAVID BIRDSALL investigates a series of murders that have three things in common- the victims are all MARRIED COUPLES, they were all at the Vance/Frawley wedding, and they are all killed on their anniversary. Detective Birdsall investigates Vance, but his NURSES swear that he hasn't moved since the fire. When "Vance" comes out of his coma days before the first anniversary of the disastrous Vance/Frawley wedding and is revealed to be an undocumented GARDENER who worked at the Botanic Garden, Detective Birdsall races to find the real Sam Vance before he kills everyone who was at the wedding, including Vance's new fiancée AMY, a bridesmaid of Eleanor's.

"... and solemnly vow to love and avenge you always."

HOOKER WITH A HEART OF NAZI GOLD

Sweet and gentle YVONNE CHUMOMISTO fought her destiny of becoming a whore, but there was just something in her blood that compelled her to sell her body. Her GRANDMOTHER was a gypsy forced into sexual slavery by the NAZI's in WWII but who escaped to the US with Yvonne's infant MOTHER shortly after the war. When one of her clients, the SON of a famed NAZI HUNTER, tells her that her compulsive sexuality is the result of Nazi bio-experiments on her grandmother, an infuriated Yvonne volunteers her body to use in his fight to track down the barbaric war profiteer SONS and DAUGHTERS of elusive Nazi scientist GREGOR LEUCHTAG in South America.

"Sex served hot, revenge served cold."

KNIGHT ERRANT

After reading the first hundred pages of Don Quixote, Mexican-American equestrian groom ANTONIO GUZMAN is inspired to become a "Knight Errant" to prove his worth to HOLLY MARQUIS, the beautiful young woman whose horses he cares for and who barely knows he exists. Antonio dubs himself "Don Napa" and enlists the help of amiable junkie PHIL OWINGS to be his sidekick, and together they ride horse and mule south from Napa Valley searching for adventure and wrongs to right in California and eventually into Mexico. The increasingly delusional Don Napa and strung-out Phil come to believe that their ultimate mission is to find the legendary city of El Dorado and bring Holly back a crown of gold that will make her Don Napa's queen.

"Chivalry isn't dead, it's just very confused."

PEACE PIPE

Menacing-looking KEVIN JUNE is a flag-waving patriot... and world-class stoner. Deep in the caves of New Mexico, his underground pot farms are producing varietals of marijuana that safely mimic the effects of drugs like cocaine and heroin in his personal crusade to "eliminate American reliance on foreign narcotics" and bring an end the drug wars that plague the USA and the world. Little does Kevin know that his operation has been infiltrated by DEA agent EMMA OOLONG, a lifetime anti-drug crusader who has second thoughts about her beliefs when she accidentally smokes Kevin's "secret weapon" strain that makes it physically impossible to even pick up a weapon, let alone fire it, without breaking into hysterical laughter for days after ingesting it. Emma must choose between her life's work and her new feelings for Kevin when she learns that DRUG KINGPINS from Afghanistan and Bolivia have sent KILL SQUADS to destroy Kevin and his operation.

"Buy American high American!"

THE GRAVY TRAIN

30ish free spirit CRAIG STINZ never shares anything about his past, but he freely shares everything he has in the present... which is somehow quite considerable for a career high school cafeteria worker. Always a STUDENT favorite for his nuggets of wisdom about surviving high school, Craig has been working his way across the country, one state at a time, one school a year, to fulfill his dream of one day working in a cafeteria in all 50 states. When he falls in love with loquacious English teacher MISS HURST towards the end of the school year, his need to relocate is tested, and their nascent relationship is strained when MR. ANTHONY, the history teacher and rival for Miss Hurst's affection, digs up secrets from Craig's turbulent past.

"The man. The myth. The mystery meat."

MAKE ME

JIM and MIRIAM BLASING were compassionate, educated and enthusiastic parents and did everything they could to raise their son RICHARD (12) and daughter VIRGINIA (10) right. They failed. Richard and Virginia have IQs off the charts, but instead of applying them in the classroom they've used them to wage emotional war against their parents, cruelly bullying them to the point where Jim and Miriam become the submissives and Richard and Virginia the dominants. When their preternaturally manipulative children, who have accessed the deepest recesses of their parents' insecurities and emotional dirty laundry, launch a campaign to separate Jim and Miriam from their FRIENDS and EXTENDED FAMILY to achieve even greater control, Jim and Miriam must decide how far they will go to fight for their independence, their marriage, and even their lives.

"This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."

BRAIN BANK

The Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center, aka "The Brain Bank," is home to some of the world's leading nervous system and neural disease RESEARCHERS. It's also a warehouse for nearly 10,000 human brains of all backgrounds... brains that still have more going on in them after death than anyone has ever realized. Take BRIAN for instance... although his body's been dead for three days, his brain is still very active, and able to communicate psychically with many other of the chatty BRAINS on his floor, but what makes Brian special is that he is the first brain that can communicate with the still-living... forensic specialist-in-training ELEANOR JACKSON to be specific. At first Eleanor thinks she's gone mad, but with the help of her unusual partner, she uses information passed on to her by the brains to solve crimes... the hardest case being what really happened to Brian's body.

"We finally have time to think."