THE HIT PARADE

65-year-old CHARLIE COWLING is retiring... after a long career filled with "retiring" good guys, bad guys and other "inconveniences," first for the Marines and, for the last 30 years, the mob. At his lavish retirement party "down the Jersey Shore" thrown by DON DONALD MILICI (or "Don Don" as he's known), Charlie looks around and notices that he's the oldest guy in the room by two decades–all of his contemporaries are dead or in prison and he's literally the last man standing of his generation. As the young GOONS laugh at the ridiculously long slide show of all the guys Charlie has whacked in the "this is your life" portion of the night, a handful of YOUNG GUNS infiltrate the party to try and make their name by rubbing out Charlie the living legend... including, to Charlie's horror, his estranged son DAMON.

"When you retire, go out with a bang."

DEVIL MAY CARE

After millennia of conflict with GOD, the fallen angel SATAN decides that enough is enough and travels from Hell to Earth to renounce his evil ways, reconcile with God and at long last bring peace to Earth. Since the road to Heaven has long ago been hidden from him, and he hasn't even really heard from God in centuries, Satan asks God's HUMAN FOLLOWERS to pray to God on his behalf and ask Him to send an EMISSARY to Earth to talk about abolishing sin, ending war, and so on. Many holy men, including FATHER ANDREOLI, are skeptical at first of Satan, but as time goes on and nobody hears anything from God, gradually Satan becomes more and more accepted and even revered as he tells the world stories of "the old days" when he lived in Heaven with God himself. As the world undergoes changes that feel right but somehow still strike him as wrong, Andreoli desperately tries to find hard evidence of God as he battles his own crisis of faith and the sensation that this is not the beginning of peace on Earth but the beginning of the end.

"Does God have sympathy for the Devil?"

THE PICNIC

(Artwork by Phony Artist)

Maryland, 1962. GERRY and MARY FLAGG are feeling the pressure. Gerry's boss at the defense contractor where they both work, MR. BENSON, has not only decided arbitrarily to have them host a 4th of July picnic, but he's brought the company's top "RECRUITER" to see if Gerry would make a good candidate for the CIA. What Benson doesn't know is that Gerry and Mary and their FAMILY are secretly Russian spies. Is this the end of the line, or the break they've been waiting for?

"Cold war. Hot day."

THE INTER-NED

Computer engineer and "technomad" NED HOPP travels the world seeking help from the cutting edges of technology and spirituality to control and understand his wild and sometimes violent mood swings. After making a pilgrimage to the world's foremost technology guru known only as THE CHIP MONK high in the Himalayas, Ned is able to configure his own body and mind with computer hardware so that another person can "surf" his neural pathways as one would the internet. After some bad experiences turning access to the "inter-Ned" over to DODGY TRAVELERS, Ned decides that only the love of his life can be trusted to access his memory and discover the cause of- and find the solution to- his lifelong affliction... but is fellow plugged-in wanderer JANELLE his true love or just another hacker eager to muck about in a new system?

"His OS has been corrupted... is love the virus or the cure?"

THE ACUPUNCTURIST

(Artwork by Somsara)

A childhood accident that left both her hands with third degree burns had the unusual side effect of giving effervescent ANNI RUSSELL the ability to communicate with another person's qi, or life force, with her fingertips. By her mid 20s and with the support of her mentor SOO-HYUN, she's become one of the most sought-after acupuncturists and herbologists in Los Angeles, but when a wealthy MOTHER brings two pale CHILDREN in who haven't spoken for weeks and Anni is unable to find any qi in them whatsoever, she discovers a new power in her acupuncture needles- the ability to pass her life force into others. Can she save the lives of the children, or more to the point, can she find where their lives have gone before giving too much of her own life to save them?

"Her needles pierce more than skin."

THEY CALL ME ZEUS

In ancient Greece, ERIS, the goddess of strife and daughter of ZEUS, angrily tricks her father into using his power to banish himself to the future "to beg for mercy from the lesser gods of a new millenia." Zeus awakens in Hollywood, CA in the present day with none of his powers but all of his physical beauty, cunning, and appetite for sex. Needless to say, those three attributes allow him to quickly achieve celebrity stardom and, indeed, god-like status among his MORTAL FANS. Eris and several of the OTHER GODS, watching Zeus through a spell portal, decide they like the future's notion of power and adulation by subjects more than their current era of sheep sacrifices and cowering, and one by one propel themselves into Hollywood. The more gods appear in our time, however, the more Zeus regains his power, and soon a battle royale is brewing that could alter Mt. Olympus... and Hollywood, forever.

"Number one with a thunderbolt."

RUSTY NAIL

Kansas, 1915. With war looming across the Atlantic, an influx of YOUNG MEN from the Northeast pour in to Fort Riley for training. When news of the German's sinking of the Lusitania reaches them, the recruits take out their frustrations on ANTHONY, a cocky stable boy of German descent, by blindfolding him and forcing him to walk through a barn littered with rusty farm implements. Young sergeant RICHIE BLANCO takes the bleeding boy to the infirmary, but he isn't treated correctly and develops severe lockjaw... his body twists into impossible spasms before succumbing to death. With bigger issues on his hand, the base COMMANDER sweeps the case under the rug, but when the bullying SOLDIERS and misdiagnosing MEDICAL STAFF are murdered one by one in gruesome, serrated fashion, Richie believes that Anthony was buried alive and is now exacting his revenge.

"Watch your step."

FREAKAZOID

(Artwork by Benjamin Rielly)

At 14 years old, geeky MAXWELL BARKALOFF is already 6' 3" and shaving every day. Simultaneously the envy of his freshman class and the butt of their jokes, Maxwell takes his frustration and quickly evolving physical prowess out on the deejay dancefloors of Brooklyn, where his unusual personal style and hypnotically herky-jerky moves are mistaken for brilliance by a group of boogieing YOUNG PROFESSIONAL LADIES from Manhattan... especially PEGGY COLLIER, the bookish assistant to hotshot literary agent DECLAN PINSCH. When Peggy discovers Maxwell is ten years younger than she is, she breaks off their budding romance, but in the tortured rhymes, raps, pleas and graffiti he creates trying to win her back, Peggy begins to see talents in Maxwell that far exceed getting freaky on the dancefloor.

"Get in touch with yer inner freak."

MAY/DECEMBER/MAY

(Artwork by Phony Artist)

When the much older HUSBAND of author and former enfant terrible MARION GOLDMAN (57) dies, Marion throws herself back into Manhattan cultural society with a vengeance- conspicuously carousing and canoodling with the zeal of a woman half her age. Marion surprises herself- and her FRIENDS and ADULT CHILDREN- by falling for not one but two much younger lovers: conservative banker JAMES (31) and free-wheeling poet LUCIA (24). Now on the "December" side after decades as "May," Marion wrestles with her past intentions, the facts and fictions of her current relationships, the physical toll of her new romantic life, and the possibility that James and Lucia might be better off with each other than they are with her.

"A delightful new spin on coming of age."

FIT

Computer programmer BENJAMIN TRAVIS has been out of shape and overweight his whole life, but his abilities, confidence and sense of humor have always kept his spirits high and his prospects bright. Only after befriending cross-training workout fiends (and beautiful physical specimens) CLYDE and JAMIE that he "realizes" how unhappy he's been and becomes obsessed with achieving physical perfection and discovering "his true self.". His old gang of FRIENDS, including couch-potato CORINNE don't much like the "new and improved" Ben, and sabotage his efforts while Clyde and Jamie- who becomes more attracted to Ben the more pounds he sheds- push him ever harder towards peak fitness.

"Will the real Benjamin Travis stand up... or sit back down?"

LOVE REMOVAL MACHINE

Chemical engineers and researchers ALEXIS CHESHIRE and JACK TEES have isolated the exact combination of chemicals- dopamine, pheromones, serotonin, etc.- that the mind and body produce when in love. When a laboratory accident permanently destroys Alexis' ability to love, setting in motion a chain of events that leads to her devastated husband ADAM's suicide, Alexis points the finger of blame at Jack and swears revenge on him and his wife KATHRYN. Alexis, numbed so completely that her consciousness has been completely and darkly transformed, builds a device that fires a flash of radiation and a dart tipped with toxins that destroys the chemicals that produce love instantly, and launches an all-out assault on the loved ones in Jack's life as he races to find a way to restore Alexis' ability to love again.

"Cupid giveth, and Cupid taketh away."

BELLS AND WHISTLES

Manhattan software developer and dashing geek BRENT KRAUS is an early adopter, a tech guru and plugged in as much as is humanly possible. When his writer girlfriend JUDY turns down his wedding proposal (delivered via a computer-generated hologram of himself), Brent swears he would do anything to convince her that he loves her more than he loves all of the newfangled devices and interfaces he's been immersed in since before he needed to shave. Judy asks him to unplug.... completely... and discover who he is by not using any device or service invented after 1900 for 30 days. Brent goes into withdrawal and bicycles far away from the pulsating city... where he receives a mysterious telegram alerting him that there is a new RIVAL for Judy's affection.

"www.couldyougocoldturkey?.com"

WIDDERSHINS

10-year-old JOHNNY STEWART and his little sister TANYA love playing in the woods on summer vacation with their PARENTS in the family cabin deep in the Appalachian mountains of North Carolina. One day they meet RENATA, a girl exactly Tanya's age and who looks eerily like her, hiding in a decrepit wood building in the forest. As they're playing, Renata (who talks and dresses "funny") warns Tanya not to run "widdershins" around the "church," but Tanya thinks she's kidding and does just that... only to disappear right before their eyes. Tanya explains that she ran widdershins around her church in the year 1909 and appeared in these woods today... but can't figure out how to get back home. Johnny and Renata- posing as Tanya- pretend that everything's OK around the Stewarts while seeking help from the local MOUNTAIN FOLK for any way to help rescue Tanya from the powerful spirits that have been running wild here for centuries.

"Forgotten superstitions are the most powerful of all."

HERMAN "MAGIC" JOHNSON

12-year-old loner HERM JOHNSON is out of step with his peers- while they're texting and playing video games, he's exploring 20th century hobbies like stamp collecting, juggling and model-building. That all changes when his enigmatic GREAT GRANDMOTHER gives him a magic kit that she used to play with, including the secret "magic word," that allows Herm to perform backyard magic shows that draw the attention of his CLASSMATES, including cute CINDY VERA and bullies MIKE and BOB. Performing as Herman "Magic" Johnson with Cindy at his side as "his lovely assistant," Herm's show even attracts the attention of professional magician ALLOY THE ALCHEMIST, who accuses Herm of betraying the "magician's code" and engages in cheap tricks to try and force his feisty young rival out of business.

"There's a new superstar of the supernatural."

DOWN FOR WHATEVER

Buttoned-down PAUL GILLESPIE is smart, handsome and boring. After graduating from a small prestigious liberal arts college with a pristine transcript and virtually no life experience, Paul decides at the last minute to turn down his MOTHER's offer to enter the family business and signs on as a deck hand on a tramp steamer leaving San Francisco and his fiancée MARGOT behind. Once he pushes through his initial fear of the unknown he discovers a side of himself in the chaotic ports of Hong Kong that he didn't know existed- he thrives on risk, conflict and danger. When Margot finally tracks him down, she barely recognizes the man she once loved: he has achieved independent success, but is also incapable of saying no to any new sensation or risk his NEW FRIENDS and RIVALS may put before him, no matter how dangerous or foolish it may be. Paul has succeeded in transforming himself, but how much is enough? Can there ever be enough?

"There's a fine line between self-discovery and self-destruction."

THE TICKING CLOCKS

Four struggling aspiring screenwriters (MARTHA, JAY, CHRIS and SUMANT) start a band ("The Ticking Clocks") as a kind of pressure valve for their frustrated creativity and, when they leap quickly to a series of prominent gigs, find playing music to be the best possible networking tool for their writing careers. Internal and external strife abounds as the four loner-type writers fight over whether they can co-exist as a band, how to split time between writing and music, and whether they should break it up and "print the legend" now that AGENTS are circling the heat around their names and scripts, and each one discovers more about what really drew them to Los Angeles, what they really want out of themselves and their LOVERS, and what kind of storytellers they really are as the Clocks' crowning gig at Coachella looms.

"Good art and great love both require rewrites."

THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR

1982. Young substitute teacher LARRY LISTORT is called into duty as temporary high school Guidance Counselor for the last weeks of the school year when the current counselor GEENA elopes with the PRINCIPAL. Larry has a great time with the students, but thinks little of the experience after he moves to Alaska to become a novelist.

2012. Larry emerges from the wilds with an unpublished 3000 page manuscript to discover not only that ELOISE FREELAND, one of the students he advised in '82, has just been elected the first female President of the United States, but several other KIDS he saw at that school have gone on to unprecedented success in business, politics and the arts. President Freeland invites Larry to move to Washington D.C. to fill a cabinet post she's created just for him- National Guidance Counselor- but after arriving amidst great fanfare Larry has misgivings about advising others when he views his own life as such a rambling wreck.

"What do YOU want to be when you grow up?"

EXPERIMENTAL

1971. Brilliant, wealthy students CHRIS GATES and TODD CARCICH take part in the "Stanford Prison Experiment" as "guards." Years later, the two are still reeling from the sadism and power they discovered within themselves and, in the name of science, build a secret laboratory and living space in a sprawling underground bomb shelter in the Nevada desert. Over the course of the 80s and 90s, the two young "Professors" kidnap over 20 INFANTS from across the country to "educate" and raise in their malevolent images deep in their windowless bunker.

2009. RICHARD, the eldest of the "children," kills Chris and Todd in the "jailbreak" they'd been warned against their entire lives. KYRIA, one of the youngest who believes she resisted the programming better than the rest, urges them to assimilate while Richard hungers for revenge. It's only when the door to the surface is finally opened that the professors' experiment is finally, truly set in motion.

"It's no fun playing God if someone isn't playing the Devil."

THE WIDOWER

What is it about unassuming carpenter CARTER BARRETT that's drawn five beautiful and successful young WOMEN into whirlwind weddings with him? And how does he manage to keep smiling when all of them die of heart failure within the first month of marriage? Journalism student AMY KINCAID interviews Carter's sixth WIFE on her deathbed trying unsuccessfully to uncover any foul play on Carter's part, and is stunned to discover that all of Carter's wives know their fate going into their marriages, and so far all of them have felt that their short time with Carter is worth paying the ultimate price. When Carter is widowed once again, Amy is drawn to him, almost magnetically, and fights the urge to fall in love with him just to see for herself what loving Carter Barrett is like.

"If love is the drug, Carter Barrett is heroin."

PRANKS

(Artwork by Phony Artist)

MARTIN AUSMAN, the son of legendary deceased Hollywood special effects whiz ABBOTT AUSMAN, is a gifted prankster- gifted in his imagination and unique style of execution, but also gifted in his ability to keep his "victims" smiling after all is said and done. When one of his epic pranks goes awry and gets him kicked out of college, Martin is approached by iconoclastic entrepreneur WRYE BYRNE to be his personal- and highly paid- Minister of Practical Jokes. At first, Martin is on cloud nine pranking Wrye's upper crust friends and colleagues on an unlimited budget, but when he falls in love with ELLA, the daughter of Wrye's longtime RIVAL, he wonders if he's being set up by Wrye to create a prank on his rival that goes fatally awry... or is Ella using Martin as the tool in a prank of her own?

"Is it all in good fun?"